Learning to Fall.
Chapter Sixty Eight ~ Fuji
Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)
Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)
"Ah." Before Fuji could fully feel the hurt, he kissed Tezuka hard, hungry. A little desperate for him to drown out the pain he just caused by telling a lie. Tezuka kissed Fuji back, but seemed confused by this sudden burst of passion from the tensai. Almost as if he somehow sensed that Fuji knew and was distracting himself.
Fuji waited until he was fully hard again from their kissing and touching. He stepped away from Tezuka suddenly, backed into the water, he smiled, and touched himself. Tezuka moaned in response at the sight of him.
Fuji enjoyed his sound. It was as if he had been holding that moan in, morning after morning. Then Tezuka was on Fuji's mouth, kissing him hard, pressing himself up against him, and touching him everywhere. "I wasn't done kissing your back...." He said between kisses. He replaced Fuji's hands with his own as if he had often wanted to do that. He felt so good after the hours of teasing, but Fuji knew he had to get control fast or he would come too soon.
The tensai wanted to play more first.
Fuji pressed him back against the wall while kissing him. "Ne, I wasn't done either but..." he said wryly, repeating his words back to him, "...a few things you like first." The tensai kissed Tezuka down until he got to his earlier little bite mark. He sucked on it making it darker and enjoying the breath it made Tezuka draw in sharply. Fuji licked softly then at his tip with his tongue. Tezuka had closed his eyes, apparently anticipating more, and Fuji smiled as he licked a spot of wetness, not from the shower, away. Using a light touch of just his lips, Fuji drew only the head of him into and out of his mouth. Right up to the ridge and then back nearly all the way out. Fuji had not done this before with him, had not teased him in this way, and the tensai took his time. He made patience a tease, a payback for the hours he had been pleasurably teased.
He added his tongue and took him slightly, slowly, deeper into his mouth. He ran his hands up along his legs, along his inner thighs, over his testicles, and he ran one finger slowly along where he was so recently inside him. Tezuka surprised him with a moan. As if Fuji being inside him was all he could think of too at that moment. Fuji took him deeper in his mouth suddenly, wanting to make him make more sounds like that. Fuji took him deeper, harder, used his hands, his lips, his tongue. Tezuka moaned again and held Fuji's hair in his hands as if he needed to touch Fuji closer. Their eyes met. Fuji felt him tremble around him and then he broke, closing his eyes for an instant, crying out, shuddering into Fuji's mouth as he came hard.
He pulled Fuji up to standing and met his mouth in a hungry kiss. Fuji was surprised and pleased, he thought Tezuka would be somewhat sated, but he seemed even hotter now. He pushed Fuji against the wall and started kissing him down. His hands were aggressively touching him now as they kissed. Grazing his erection, pinching his nipples, holding him in his warm hand and stroking a few times. Each time Fuji responded, Tezuka would touch him lighter or stop as if it was just to tease, and not to satisfy.
He turned Fuji around, and kissed him down again. Much faster this time. Fuji moaned loud when Tezuka licked around his entrance in wide wet strokes of his tongue. Then he licked over him, and into him, lightly touching his erection with his strong hand. It felt so good, Fuji considered begging him to take him right now, right like this, hard from behind. The hours of being teased were again getting to Fuji. He was just going to suggest this, when Tezuka suddenly stopped. Again.
He turned him again and took Fuji's erection in his mouth until Fuji moaned with wanting more. Fuji was actually shaking, trembling with need.
Tezuka stopped again. He stood and kissed Fuji long and deep making Fuji wonder what he was up to. "What have you done?" He asked, sounding hoarse after his crying out when he came, or maybe from being very turned on again.
Not the question Fuji expected at all. And the tone of his voice was not accusatory so Fuji could not figure out what he meant. Tezuka saw the surprise and confusion that must have been on Fuji's face and he explained with a smile. "Sexually? What have you done? I need to know. Have you ever tied someone up?"
"Yes...?" Fuji was not sure where he was going with this. Did he wish Fuji to tie him up? "I have." Tezuka seemed to be waiting for more elaboration and Fuji tried to speak coherently when he was throbbing and wanting more, "Just girls. Handcuffs once and a sash from my robe." Fuji did not elaborate that the sash from his robe had happened with one girl several times. She had been very submissive and really liked Fuji to be in complete control. Fuji had enjoyed it at first, but over time, her wanting that each and every time and being completely submissive, well it grew dull. There was no challenge. Fuji could even order her to come and she would on command. It didn't seem the time or place to mention this now. Fuji was going to ask Tezuka if he had ever been tied up when Tezuka interrupted his thoughts.
"Have you ever been tied up?"
Oh? Really? Now Fuji was amused. "Ne, have you?"
"I prefer to tie someone else than to be tied." Fuji thought about that, and it seemed to suit Tezuka. He was dominant, although Fuji also noticed that he did not really answer the question. Another one he dodged. Fuji wondered why as Tezuka asked again, "But no one has ever tied you, Syusuke? Ever?"
"No." Fuji answered. Tezuka gave Fuji a long look and Fuji was surprised. He was telling him the truth and the tensai was not the one avoiding answering questions.
Then Fuji understood what and how he was asking. It was something only they could ask and tell each other. It was a little scary for Fuji still to accept that someone else knew. Someone else knew and was now even asking questions about that. Tezuka was asking him if anyone, including even all the terrible times Fuji tried very hard to never, ever think about, especially any specifics, if anyone, meaning even then, ever, possibly had.
He was asking Fuji to think and remember things Fuji blocked out by will and practice. Their eyes met and held for a moment. Fuji saw nothing but Tezuka needing to know the answer to this question. No judgment, no disgust, no pity, just a need to know for some reason. Fuji quickly thought just to make sure under the weight of Tezuka's stare. Still, Fuji was only able to do a quick, terrible review, because he felt reassured and safe now. It was only because it was Tezuka's hands on him, and Tezuka looking at him, waiting for his answer, needing to know. The tensai would not have done this for anyone else. He would not be able to and he knew it. "Ne, no one, not ever."
Fuji heard his voice after the review, it sounded suddenly small. Tezuka kissed him soft and sweet. He held him in his arms close and secure. He smoothed Fuji's wet hair back and then tucked a few loose strands behind his ear. Fuji smiled against his lips as they kissed. The tensai had always had a nervous habit of tucking his hair behind his ear when he was stressed. He tried to control it all the time because it was a sign of weakness that could give him away. Still, occasionally, rarely, he would find his hair tucked back there from time to time, his subconscious and nerves had won out over his will. It was nothing anyone would notice.
Anyone but Tezuka. Fuji probably had made the gesture while DJing but had probably covered it with his headphones. Still, Tezuka had noticed at some time, and understood the habit. He may have even seen it before but only showed Fuji he knew what it meant now. It was a tiny bit of comfort from someone who loved him and it touched Fuji. Touched and scared him at how so small a thing could mean so much.
"May I?" Tezuka asked it so...formally when their kiss broke. It mattered to him and Fuji considered if he could let Tezuka do this. If Fuji was capable of it. He thought he was.
Tezuka wanting this, being into this surprised Fuji. And Fuji would have to admit it pleased him. Tezuka seemed so straightforward that this newest discovery of Tezuka being rather kinky and controlling was intriguing. Especially as Fuji had never seen this in him or from him before. Fuji wondered at it and at him. He wondered how far Tezuka had been and how far he would take this. "Do you trust me, Syusuke?" He asked when Fuji had not answered.
Fuji thought to himself he trusted Tezuka much more earlier, before he lied to him, and skipped answering questions but yes, overall, Fuji did trust him. More than anyone else he ever had in fact. He felt safe with him and the moment he recognized he felt safe with him, Fuji felt scared about feeling safe. It was as if he noticed another weakness and it was that Tezuka made him feel safe. He wondered at feeling safe and scared all at the same time. "I trust you." Fuji said answering one question and still wondering about all the others.
"Syusuke, I love you. I swear I won't hurt you. I won't ever hurt you." Tezuka said it so earnestly that Fuji almost laughed. You cannot swear to never hurt someone. Fuji knew better than most people, that to believe in that, in someone promising you that, it was naive at best. But Fuji was also amused and interested now. This was something Tezuka clearly wanted, wanted terribly. It was also something Fuji had never done before, so he was curious. He wanted to explore and get to know this side of Tezuka, and this was also something that they had never done before. Fuji had often wondered in all those showers what exactly it was Tezuka had been thinking of. This? Really? Here? Now?
"Mn. I trust you. All right. Yes." Tezuka kissed Fuji suddenly very lovingly and very hard, he was completely thrilled. Fuji was suddenly worried about him. He looked for an instant boyishly cute and excited. Fuji thought for one moment he might have yelled out a whoop of--joy? Tezuka? But he looked just that happy. Just from Fuji saying yes. It made Fuji feel good to make him so happy by simply saying yes to him. By simply trusting him. "So, what do I have to do?"
"Enjoy yourself, let me please you, trust me, that's all." Tezuka smiled.
"Ah." That was a lot. Fuji would only be able to do that with Tezuka.
Tezuka went to get his bag. Fuji was not surprised now to find the heavy bag had climbing rope in it. Tezuka had two ace bandages and he wrapped one around and down each of Fuji's arms. He explained while wrapping that the rope left marks. Fuji went to protest and suggest that he enjoyed marks sometimes, but before he could, Tezuka kissed him.
Fuji realized Tezuka knew what Fuji enjoyed. Of course he did. They also had school to go to and short sleeved shirts to wear at practice. So Fuji let him continue. Tezuka while he wrapped him, touched Fuji in all the places he had touched him all night, including several that Fuji had no idea he enjoyed. He was gently and seductively reminding Fuji of where those places were. When he was finished, he kissed Fuji for a long time, holding him close and allowed Fuji to touch and kiss him back.
He picked up the rope. It was was black and red and thin. Fuji watched in astonishment as Tezuka efficiently started tying knots. Fuji thought about the ice cave he had spoke of earlier. He knew these knots because he was an expert climber. He would tie them perfectly, and he seemed to know precisely what he wanted to do.
"Syusuke, we'll start slow. Just your arms and chest. Tell me if it hurts, if you feel scared, or uncomfortable. All right?" He kissed Fuji and touched him while slipping his arms behind him into the knots he had made wrapping them. First Tezuka bound his wrists behind him. Then his torso, tight but not painfully tight, leaving his nipples exposed. He cinched his arms and kept tying him. It did not hurt but it completely immobilized the tensai's arms. Fuji noticed the ropes also touched the sensitive places Tezuka had touched earlier whenever he moved.
Tezuka continued to make complex, complicated, loops and twists. He knew exactly what he was doing and he touched and kissed Fuji throughout the process so it became slow, sensual foreplay. Fuji had a moment of doubt as soon as he realized how well Tezuka knew what he was doing. This was not Fuji tying a submissive girl to his bed with a sash in a bow, it was much more. Tezuka must have sensed Fuji's moment of hesitation.
He stopped wrapping him and just kissed him. He put his hands on Fuji's face as if to show him he was not doing anything at the moment. He slowly moved his hands down to Fuji's neck and over his throat. He followed the movement with his mouth, kissing tenderly, lovingly. He kissed Fuji's nipples, first one and then the other, playing with them with his hand and mouth until Fuji softly moaned. He kissed down further and took Fuji again in his mouth. Fuji sighed and forgot for a moment everything but his hot wet mouth on Fuji's erection. It had been a long, long time since he had last come in his mouth. Fuji wanted to come, needed to. It was an ache.
Fuji was afraid to make a noise or let Tezuka know how close he was and how much he wanted to come, but then Tezuka moved his hand around him, moving his fingers in those slow circles just above his entrance and Fuji sighed again. The tensai closed his eyes in pleasure and relaxed. Tezuka slowly licked him, he took him deep in his mouth and his hand. Then he stopped. He took him out of his mouth. He touched only Fuji's tip softly with his lips and tongue much like Fuji had done earlier. Fuji went to move deeper into his mouth, to put his hands in his drying hair, to touch him, to move. And found he couldn't.
Standing, feeling this wanton, this exposed, so close to orgasm, and not being able to move freely was a strange sensation. Fuji could move his legs but his arms were behind him and he could not move them at all. Or apart or together he found still trying to move. Tezuka watched as Fuji tried to find how much he could move. He barely moved his lips and tongue over just his tip watching and waiting. Fuji was throbbing, literally. He thought to himself for one moment that he could actually make himself come, probably with Tezuka not touching him any more than he was. He could do it with just the hours of teasing and a little bit of self-hypnosis.
But Fuji was curious. He willed himself to get back in control, to wait, and he smiled, "So, now what?"
"Do you want to come?" Tezuka asked. His breath and the vibration from his words along his head were delicious and sent ripples of pleasure through Fuji.
"Yes..." It came out of Fuji's mouth in a sigh before he could stop it.
"Do you need to?" Tezuka looked concerned and curious.
Fuji was not going to give him the satisfaction of saying yes again. Not yet. "Ne, I can wait...." He said it perfectly as if he was amused and indulging him, instead of throbbing in his mouth.
Tezuka smiled, "Good." Then he took Fuji deep into his mouth making
Fuji moan, as if to let Fuji know Tezuka was aware how close he really was. It
was just a test to see if Fuji would come then and there. Fuji didn't. Tezuka
let go, and stood up. "Anything hurt?"
Fuji smiled at him, he was a little annoyed at him wringing that moan out of him like that. "No, not yet." He said it as a challenge.
Tezuka smiled and then really shocked Fuji. He started tying the rope now in his hand to bolts into the wall. Bolts and things jutting out, Fuji only now saw them. They were scattered all over the shower room. Fuji had never noticed them before. Not even the one that had so bruised his back when he was slammed against it. They were the same color as the tiles but now he saw they clearly had something to do with climbing. Fuji looked around. They were placed throughout the entire room.
Tezuka smiled. "Freshman year, I hurt my arm. I needed to build up my strength and needed a climbing wall. Seigaku doesn't have one and I needed to practice every day. Why have just a wall when you can have an entire room? You never noticed?" He sounded surprised. Fuji shook his head no, very amused, and wondered if anyone ever had.
Certainly the tensai had never heard anyone ever say that they saw Tezuka climbing the walls. Fuji pondered when Tezuka practiced this although he must have. He loved to climb and Fuji could clearly see any injury would annoy him until he built up his strength above and beyond where it was at before he was injured. Fuji was insatiably curious suddenly and started asking him questions. What kind of knots these were, how you used them, when he had last done this before, if he had done this with anyone else here....
Tezuka silenced him with a long, sweet kiss. "Syusuke, I will tell you
and teach you anything you want to know about shibari, I'd like nothing better,
but not right now. Are you nervous?"
He gave Fuji another long look. He must have thought that the questions were Fuji being nervous. Fuji almost asked him if he was nervous as Fuji had been before DJing. If Tezuka could go to a place he hated to watch Fuji spin for a few hours, Fuji could certainly indulge him now. It would probably be fun. "Ne, I'm not nervous, merely curious." And amused at how adorable and intriguing you suddenly are.... The tensai added to himself.
Tezuka kissed him again and then continued tying and making knots. Love knots, Fuji thought to himself and almost giggled. Maybe he was a little nervous. But the rope was touching places in a very sexy way and making Fuji feel more sensitive and he was still throbbing with want from before. Fuji rolled the word around in his head. Shibari. Fuji had heard of it before but had never seen it. It was complex, beautiful, elegant, and took complete control. It was something it took a long time to master, although if anyone could, it would be Tezuka. He probably even made modifications combining his climbing skills and strengths to make it suit his needs. Fuji was impressed.
Impressed and incredibly turned on. The tensai needed to get in control at least a little bit. "So, how do you want me?"
Tezuka paused as if the question threw him. Then he smiled, "Like this." He held and raised Fuji up somehow so that the tensai could just barely touch the balls of his feet on the ground and tied more knots. Fuji was completely supported. Nothing hurt. He didn't swing if he lifted his feet. His legs were free. It was amusing and a little disconcerting. Fuji wiggled his fingers making sure there was blood flowing in them. There was. Tezuka watched to make sure Fuji was fine and then kissed him. They were now almost the same height.
Tezuka went behind him to start kissing him down his back again. He kissed him down his spine between the knots he had made. Where he couldn't kiss, he ran his fingers lightly. He made Fuji aware of everywhere the rope touched him. The rope was soft, silky, and Fuji could feel it stretched a little bit if he pulled. After pulling, Fuji found it felt different. It didn't lay back down right and he couldn't relax. "It will be uncomfortable if you try to pull or stretch. If you relax back it will be more comfortable."
"Ne, I'm fine." Fuji lied and wished Tezuka would relax him by making him come. Even he could hear the frustration in his own voice as Tezuka licked his entrance again in wide wet strokes. He used his hand in those soft circles on Fuji's lower back again, but he did not touch his erection. Fuji was throbbing and frustrated. The rope, and him not being able to move, now being uncomfortable, and the want, Tezuka's touch, it almost made Fuji come. It would have been very unsatisfying though because Tezuka was right there, he could touch him, he could please him, but he wanted Fuji to wait.
So Fuji waited, trying to just enjoy the feel of his hands and his mouth on him but he was almost trembling with wanting to come. Then frustrating Fuji again, Tezuka stopped. He came up and kissed Fuji's lips softly. He put his arms around him.
"Syusuke? Lean your weight on me." Fuji did and the discomfort instantly, completely abated. Fuji realized he had thrown his center of balance more over to one side of his body, throwing everything off. Tezuka kept kissing him. He had somehow added lubrication to his erection and to Fuji's. He touched only Fuji's shaft and his light touch was torture, but even his light touch was so much better when he touched him, kissed him, held him close like this. Fuji sighed softly in pleasure as Tezuka touched him even if it was so very light. His hand drifted down and he lubricated Fuji before he entered him slowly with one finger. It was all Fuji could do to not press himself down and hurry him up. Tezuka's other arm was around him, still taking his weight, holding him close, kissing him.
Fuji suddenly wondered how Tezuka, who was taller, would enter him. And when. How long could this go on? His desire to come became a need to be touched and sated soon. Now. He moaned before Tezuka even got to that spot inside him. Fuji kissed him hotly back, wanting more than this, now. Fuji moaned again, he was trembling in his arms, "Kunimitsu, touch me...."
Tezuka kept slowly entering him with his finger and murmured against his mouth, "Are you begging me?"
Fuji wasn't sure if it was the hours of teasing, the trust involved, or how he felt towards Tezuka but he completely let go. He wanted him, needed him, terribly, right now, and he heard the need in his own voice. "Yes. Kunimitsu, please...."
Tezuka looked at him as if it surprised him too. Surprised and pleased him. "Soon, Syusuke, soon." Fuji moaned in frustration in his mouth and Tezuka tried to kiss his moan away. He made shushing noises, talked to him gently, telling him soon, just a little longer, but Fuji was done being completely submissive.
Fuji leaned back, ignoring the moment of discomfort and pain of the rope and wrapped his strong legs around a stunned Tezuka. "Take me, please."
"Syusuke, we will, we can't yet, you're not...." He said it calm, still in control, and willing to wait. Watching to make sure Fuji was all right.
"No! Please, take me, make love to me now...!" It came out in a moan. Now that his legs were wrapped around Tezuka and he was relaxed, the rope no longer was uncomfortable. All Fuji felt was heat and want. He could have come, could have made himself, but Fuji did not want to. Not without him. Fuji wanted him, needed him, just him, right now. "Please...?" Fuji begged him again.
"I'll need to go very slow...."
Fuji was barely prepared, he knew it, they both did, but he also knew that Tezuka would be infinitely gentle with him. He would take care of him and Fuji simply could not wait any more. "Kunimitsu, I want you, I trust you, I love you. Now take me...please!" Fuji kissed him, trying to impart his need, his want to him and to also kiss away any further arguments. It was difficult to try to convince him without his hands but Fuji tried. He tried with his lips and tongue, he tried with his heat, and he tried with his heart.
Fuji wanted him. Unlike he had every wanted anyone before. Even Tezuka before. This was totally, utterly, different. How much he wanted him, needed him, and loved him, right now, right at this moment, it drowned out everything else, even Fuji's fears.
Tezuka shifted Fuji on his hips to a better position. Fuji realized this was probably the position he had in mind all along, but Fuji considered that perhaps Tezuka had not expected Fuji to be so willing, so soon, or so ready for him. He kissed Fuji once more and said softly, "I love you too." Then he slowly pressed himself inside. It was gentle, it was slow, but it hurt. Not worse than anything Fuji had felt before, there was always some discomfort in the beginning, and it was bearable. Tezuka was not small and without being really ready, he felt huge, bigger than Fuji was, Fuji mused. Fuji really was not ready but wanted him with an ache that was more than the hurt. Tezuka took his time, kissing any tears Fuji shed away, and wrapping Fuji's erection lightly in his hand as he slowly nudged himself deeper and deeper, just a little tiny bit more of himself inside more and slowly more. He used slow, gentle, rocking thrusts and his mouth lingered on Fuji's, kissing and loving him. It was very slow progress. Painfully slow when Fuji considered his want for more, sooner, now. Fuji tried to relax into it and him but the desire for more was maddening.
Fuji kissed him back hotly, relaxed against him, moaned as it felt good, and to distract himself for a moment, he wondered briefly how Tezuka could hold them both up without leaning against anything. Then Fuji realized they were slightly leaning back on the rope, letting it support them. Tezuka had made it just for this. For them. Knowing him, he probably tested the weight and the entire thing was perfect. Fuji smiled despite a touch of pain, good pain though, enjoyable pain, knowing that pleasure was to increase soon, and he let himself surrender to it.
The tensai willed himself to focus, enjoying him, enjoying this, and the moment he did, Fuji had the strangest sensation. Fuji had been hurt by sex. It had happened for a long time over many years and the people who hurt him, people he loved, did not take care of him, they rarely properly prepared him because they were too concerned over their own pleasure. They would be nice to him before and were just nicer to him after, but they didn't love him. Their love was a lie. They didn't care for him or see him as more than a a thing, an object. Fuji had learned when the pain came, as soon as it came, as soon as someone he loved hurt him, then he would just go away. That kind of pain, someone saying they loved him as they physically hurt him, wrapped in a lie was too much to bear. It was not good pain. It was too much. So, he would let his mind take him far away to where it didn't hurt. Where they could not hurt him. Where nothing could hurt him. When they hurt him, Fuji was no longer there. He left his body and the person hurting him with it far behind.
Fuji could not remember his first time. It was no surprise to him that he really never wanted to. He completely blocked it out along with a host of other things that had happened to his body when he left it. It was something Fuji had long ago resigned himself to. He would never have a first time and he tried not to miss what he would never have. He tried not to be angry at things taken from him and stolen from him because it would do no good. It would not change anything.
But there were still times when he wondered, even very recently watching his friends fall in love and experience their first time, what it must be like. A first time. With someone you loved, wanted, desired, and wanted to please. A first time with someone who felt the same feelings, the same deep love and desire for you.
Something about Fuji not being ready, Fuji this time not being prepared and still wanting this, wanting Tezuka so much that he was the one who could not wait, it felt different. Something about Fuji wanting him, needing him, felt...almost new. It was by Fuji's choice, for his own pleasure, and he wanted him so very much, so much that for some strange reason right now it felt like a first time.
The little stings of pain, the kissing, the words, the want, the love, the desire to please, the emotions, Tezuka taking his time, and going so slowly, loving him, caring for him, wanting to please Fuji, to love him...it all felt to Fuji like what making love for the first time must feel like. Or what he had always imagined a first time must really feel like. It was intense, emotional, and loving. Fuji did not go away even when it hurt, because Tezuka kissed him, talked to him, told him he loved him, he paused, and made sure he was all right before they continued.
That was another thing, they continued, not just Tezuka. Even with his arms bound, Fuji moved too. He kissed him back. He talked to him back. He told him he loved him back. Fuji loved him back.
Soon, very soon, there was no pain anymore. Only pleasure. Fuji heard himself moaning, loud. He was shaking, actually shaking with the intensity of the sensations and emotions he was feeling. He heard Tezuka moaning in pleasure as they moved together. Fuji was gone, lost but in a completely different way now. He was lost in Tezuka, with him.
Fuji moaned with heat and need, he bit Tezuka's lip hard as he kissed him. It bled and Fuji tasted the salt of his blood in his mouth. Fuji gave himself over to the rocking, mesmerizing friction of Tezuka moving inside him. His hands and lips were everywhere, touching him and stroking him to match his thrusting into him, and still Fuji wanted more, asked him for more, begged him for more, harder, deeper, don't stop, don't ever stop. Fuji arched himself harder into his thrusts and was not sure which one of them was shaking, trembling, moaning more, but Fuji was aware it was only him that was crying.
Crying because he was so happy and felt so much. Crying because it felt like a first time to Fuji. Crying because Tezuka gave something Fuji had never thought he would have, but had always wanted. Always wished for. A first time. It was taken from Fuji but Tezuka gave it back to him.
Even though they had been together before, even though this was not Fuji's first time, nothing felt like this. Nothing felt so good, so loving, or so pure. Tezuka made Fuji feel loved, wanted, and...clean. Fuji felt clean. It was as if Tezuka in tying him and loving him was undoing hurts, undoing damage, and replacing it with trust, desire, and love. Fuji found he was crying and laughing and arching to meet his every thrust until he heard Tezuka say as if from a long way away, "Syusuke, come." Tezuka thrust again hard into him and Fuji cried out his name. He felt everything inside him tighten up and something he didn't need anymore break, and then Fuji writhed against him, shuddering as he came and came, feeling Tezuka do the same inside him as he moaned Fuji's name.
Tezuka held him close and kissed him. He kissed his mouth, his tears, and it was as if Tezuka understood, as if he felt it too. Fuji closed his eyes and kissed him back. He liked the kissing but did not like this not touching after part of being tied up. He did not like that he could not move to touch him and he felt vulnerable. Deeply vulnerable right now. He thought to himself if only he could have his arms free, he could get control of himself, he could handle this, he could joke about this, tease him, shrug this off, walk away, something, anything.
If only he could touch him back, then Fuji would be fine. He then wondered at that because he was never very touchy afterwards before. Well, never before Tezuka. He rested his head against Tezuka's collarbone though and found that really, he did not want to move. Tezuka kissed his forehead a few times but not a good kiss, not like he normally did. Fuji opened his eyes to see. He looked at him and realized it was because the lower corner of his bottom lip was bleeding a little. "Ne, I'm sorry." Fuji said embarrassed, remembering now he had done that.
Tezuka smiled, and felt it with his hand. "Don't worry, its only a lip. I don't use it much."
"Ne, I happen to be very fond of that lip...." Fuji started to joke back and then felt terribly, suddenly afraid. He was still trembling from the sex but now he started to shake. Uncontrollably. His heart was racing.
"Syusuke?" Fuji just looked at him, past him. "Syusuke? Its all right. Everything's fine. Nothing is hurt right? It was just very intense. Very emotional. You're safe, Syusuke. I love you. You're safe."
Fuji wondered, all that was true, wasn't it? He did a damage check. Nothing hurt. Really. Tezuka was still inside him and he was still tied up but nothing hurt. He felt good in fact, very good. Didn't he? Nothing was broken. Then Fuji remembered that something had broken, something in his spirit, but he was not sure what it was. "Untie me. Untie me please. Now." Fuji heard the panic in his own voice. He wanted, needed, to get away.
"I'm sorry. I can't right now. I will as soon as you calm down."
On to Chapter 69!!