Learning to Fall.
Chapter Forty Nine ~ Fuji
Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)
Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)
"No." Tezuka says kissing Fuji's forehead. He is smiling. Fuji is now confused. Tezuka seems glad Fuji is awake. "You're too tempting, even asleep."
"I'm sorry I woke you." But his mouth says something different as he bends down to kiss Fuji. Fuji shifts to meet his lips and discovers that Tezuka really means what he said and is fully aroused. Again. Fuji looks surprised. "Sorry." Tezuka mutters in between hotly kissing Fuji, claiming his mouth, teasing him with his tongue. He doesn't seem sorry at all.
Fuji is both turned on and amused by this power he seems to have over him right now. Its sweet and sexy all at once. "What were you thinking about?" Fuji half expected him to say camping or climbing. It was the last thing he had talked about.
"You." Tezuka says turning them both on their sides so he can move more, touch and kiss Fuji better. "What you said earlier."
Fuji was used to conversation skips and leaps from Eiji, not from Tezuka. "About?"
"Making love." Tezuka looks almost...nervous as he says this. Its such an odd quaint term and Tezuka looks so guilty, embarrassed, Fuji almost stops smiling.
"Me, with you? Ah, because I haven't since. It would be a prize of some kind. A reward?"
"No. I've wanted it for a while, but when you said it...." Tezuka looked so turned on that he could not finish his sentence. He kissed Fuji again, hard.
Fuji was confused. Again. He kissed Tezuka back and found himself trying to figure this out. Why would always in control Tezuka want Fuji to take control like that? It didn't make sense. Even if he took it he would only want it back so what was the attraction? But then Fuji thought of Eiji. How Eiji loved Oishi. How he didn't care who was on top as long as Oishi loved him and enjoyed it. Even when Eiji thought it would hurt him and hurt him a lot. Fuji then knew.
Tezuka loved him.
It was never about control. It was about loving. Tezuka loved Fuji enough to let him. He wanted him to. And apparently from Tezuka's enthusiasm kissing Fuji, he really wanted him to. Fuji thought about Tachibana. How Tachibana never touched him at first. How it hurt and confused Fuji. He realized that in a way, being so teasing and then so passive, Fuji had withheld himself from touching Tezuka. He pleasured Tezuka and let Tezuka take him, but Fuji was not giving. He was allowing. There is a big difference. Fuji was almost using Tezuka to keep himself hurt, in pain, and strangely safe. The less Fuji gave the less Tezuka touched him. As if to get Fuji to respond.
Fuji might never have if he hadn't been hurt, attacked, and vulnerable.
Fuji had with his first love, let his broken heart rub against his spirit until it became like a callous on his hand. It probably blistered first, then was a wound for a while, and eventually calloused over. Fuji had hardened himself so that he thought he was giving when all he was doing was allowing, manipulating, and controlling. He realized how this must have hurt even Tezuka who seemed to feel nothing so often. He was human. Just like Fuji.
And poor Tezuka had no idea why Fuji was so closed off, walled up, calloused over until tonight.
Now that Tezuka knew, now that he knew all of it, he was not running away. He knew the details of nearly every terrible horrid thing Fuji had done and every shameful mistake he had made and he was still right there. Instead, amazingly, all he seemed to want was to love Fuji, and have Fuji love him back.
And the truth was, Fuji loved him. Fuji had since he first saw him, playing tennis. Breathing life back into Fuji.
"Tezuka..." Fuji started. Tezuka pulled back, thinking he went too far again, Fuji realized seeing him react in the wrong direction pulling away.
"I...I'm sorry." Tezuka said and Fuji worried that the next words would be that he should go home. No. Not again.
"No. Ne, Tezuka....Kunimitsu..." That got his attention. It was the second time Fuji ever said his name. "I love you." Fuji had not meant to say that. The tensai wanted to tell him he cared and he wanted him to stay, please stay, but then that just kind of popped out. Tezuka could not have looked more surprised if Fuji had hauled off and hit him. His surprised reaction shamed and embarrassed Fuji even more. Now Fuji felt stupid, awkward, he took things too far, he always did, "I...I'm sorry...I...you don't have to say anything...I...I just...its I...wanted you to know and...." Fuji felt near tears. Again. He never used to cry this much.
"Fuji, its all right....Syusuke...." Tezuka interrupted Fuji's panicked thoughts. Fuji must have looked away because the next thing he knew Tezuka was taking his face in his hands and gently bringing it up so Fuji had to look at him. Tezuka looked so naked without his glasses. Fuji went to tell him that he really, honestly, did not have to say it back, or anything else, ever, and maybe Fuji figured this all out wrong. He had gotten so many things wrong lately....
Tezuka stopped Fuji from speaking with a kiss. He just gently pressed his lips to Fuji's. Then he looked at Fuji as if making sure Fuji looked directly at him, so that there would be no more mistakes made or things said and interpreted wrong. "I love you, Syusuke. I love you too."
The words shot though Fuji. He seriously felt them rip through him. Fuji found he had closed his eyes and his hands were somehow buried in Tezuka's hair as the words reverberated through Fuji's body, though his being, through his soul. He rested his forehead against Tezuka's for a moment or maybe it was a year. He forgot to even breathe and drew in a shuddering breath and exhaled it. Then Fuji kissed him. Fuji's eyes were still closed and their lips met. Fuji was aware he held Tezuka in a tight grip and was pressing as much of his body against him as he could. He thought it felt like when he kissed Oishi, but this was very different. Tezuka was not Oishi. Tezuka loved him. He loved Fuji too. Tezuka kissed him back. Tezuka both melted into Fuji's kiss and his embrace and at the same time he held Fuji tightly to him also. Wanting and needing to feel Fuji just as close as Fuji needed to feel him.
They held each other close for a long time. Fuji pulled a little back to look at him. Still waiting for Fuji. Fuji smiled. "I felt that." He said meaning to be wry but it came out sounding serious and tender at the same time.
"How did it feel?" Tezuka looked genuinely curious.
Fuji thought of a thousand silly or sarcastic things to say but didn't. "Nice." He smiled and thought of the adjectives Tezuka used earlier, "Beautiful." Then Fuji drew him into a kiss. Fuji meant it to be sweet and gentle but somehow it turned hot, hungry, wanting, almost instantly as their lips and tongues touched. Fuji pulled away a little surprised at himself. A little surprised at both of them.
"Syusuke...I want you." Then Tezuka kissed him taking his breath away and making Fuji give a little whimper of desire. The thought of taking him was so sweet, so right somehow, and yet, Fuji worried.
"Ne, I want to but I don't want to hurt you...." Fuji said as they continued kissing.
"Syusuke....be with me." It was almost a plea. He knew Fuji was just worried, scared, and afraid he would disappear. It was Tezuka simply saying, I want you, I want this, I love you, and I trust you all in four words. Fuji wondered if this was real, if he would even be there in the morning, if it would be like last time, "Syusuke...be with me." This was Tezuka now asking do you want me? Do you want this? Do you love me? Do you trust me? In the same four words. And then Tezuka again waited for Fuji.
Fuji realized Tezuka had also waited until before lust carried both of them away. He had asked before Fuji was near sick with want, with need, with love when he would have agreed to most anything. He wanted Fuji to agree now but was willing, for Fuji, to wait.
He would be there waiting for as long as Fuji needed him to be.
Fuji said nothing, but smiled and kissed him. As he kissed him, Fuji rolled them over so he was on top. Tezuka in anticipation moaned in Fuji's mouth as he understood. It was a primal sound made when someone agrees to fulfill your fondest wish, your ultimate desire, your favorite fantasy, and when they do it because they love you and want to be with you. Fuji liked that sound.
He pulled off his own pants wanting Tezuka to watch and feel his skin on his first. Then he slowly pulled the ones Tezuka was wearing down. Fuji did not take him in his mouth, but instead brushed his skin softly against his erection making Tezuka again moan. Fuji came up, and kissed him laying on him, feeling their bodies pressed up against each other. Fuji wasn't sure why he did that at first, maybe reassurance, but then when Tezuka's arms slid around him, when his hands caressed Fuji, while they kissed, he knew it was because it felt so good, so right. Fuji wanted to take his time. He had thought about this too, for a long time. He knew by now where Tezuka liked to be kissed and how he liked to be touched. Fuji wanted him to feel good. He wanted him to feel so good that he would feel nothing else.
Somehow Tezuka understood that Fuji needed to take his own time. He didn't rush him or try to take control. He occasionally kissed or touched him because he wanted to, not because he was hurrying him. They had all night, it was going to rain in the morning.
But not even Fuji could wait all night. He kissed and licked him in all of his and Fuji's favorite places. He even had Tezuka take Fuji in his mouth. Fuji just wanted to remind him what he was in for. Tezuka only moaned and took him deep in his mouth using his hand to take what he could not fit. It felt so good that Fuji actually found he had to stop him or he would have come again. Tezuka smiled knowing Fuji almost came.
Fuji liked that Tezuka seemed to be full of surprises too.
He went and took Tezuka in his mouth enjoying the sounds he was able to coax out of him, then he licked his way down as Tezuka had done to him recently. Fuji had liked it and remembered it well. He licked on him and then in him while stroking him gently with his hand. Tezuka writhed on the bed enjoying it. Then Fuji got the lube. He found he was both nervous and curious. As if this was his first time and not their first time for this.
He used his mouth on Tezuka and positioned himself so that Tezuka was lightly touching Fuji's erection as he did. Then he generously lubricated himself watching Tezuka respond extremely turned on as Fuji touched himself. He lubricated Tezuka's shaft but not the tip so he could still play with it in his mouth, he then spread it on his fingers, knowing he was dragging this out, and was again making Tezuka wait. It was such a tiny space Fuji had no idea how this was ever going to work. He put that thought aside as well as all the jokes about what a tight ass Tezuka was and the comments girls made about what a tight ass he really had. Fuji took a well lubricated index finger and began. Tezuka watched and touched Fuji. Fuji felt him relax immediately.
Fuji was instantly burningly jealous wanting to know every time when he had done this before. Fuji had never been as jealous as this before. Not ever. Fuji put all that aside too.
He just concentrated on his finger gently moving inside him and finding, as Eiji had said, where his A spot was. Fuji found it with one finger and tried to remember it so if he ever got himself in there at all he could touch it. Fuji took Tezuka's tip into his mouth running his tongue around the ridge, making him forget, making him feel good and then gently pressed. At the long hard moan that tore itself from Tezuka's throat, Fuji smiled around him in his mouth. He had never touched Fuji there before, oh he had, when he was inside him, but never with his fingers. Fuji guessed to his pleasure, that Tezuka had never done it or had it done to him.
Just making sure, Fuji did it again, and loved the response he got. He idly thought that maybe Tezuka was faking his not knowing this very important thing, if only to build Fuji's confidence. By the surprised look on Tezuka's face though, he didn't think so. Fuji for the first time thought that this, in addition to everything else it might be, might also be a lot of fun. He withdrew his finger, used his other hand and mouth on his erection to distract him, and worked two fingers inside him touching that spot when Tezuka was relaxed and stretched enough.
Tezuka went to thrust up at his touch inside him. Fuji found he now had to slow Tezuka down or he would come. He took him lighter in his mouth not wanting to stop completely and then worked his third finger into him. Fuji took his time and went very slowly. He wasn't being mean, he just knew how large he was and he refused to tear or hurt him in anyway. If Tezuka came, then Fuji would either do this another time or would just get him hard again. Tezuka felt what he was doing and seemed to understand. Fuji was very gentle and took his time. He enjoyed himself but more importantly wanted Tezuka to enjoy it. It might be nice if they could do it again someday and Tezuka actually wanted to again. Fuji, taking his time and paying such close attention distracted himself from Tezuka stroking him. He could do that sometimes, shut off part of himself if he totally focused on something else.
Tezuka surprised him again by taking him, even with lube on him, into his mouth. It felt amazing. Fuji guessed that Tezuka was also doing something to distract himself. This time when his fingers reached that spot, Fuji did not press, he just grazed it lightly. He felt Tezuka relax into it as if awaiting the pleasure. He withdrew his hand. Tezuka looked at him surprised, and Fuji saw, a little disappointed that Fuji hadn't touched him there again. Fuji moved around on the bed, both of them were ready, he spread some more lube on himself and put himself right outside. He went up and kissed Tezuka.
Tezuka kissed him back passionately. As if he really wanted him. "Yes?" Fuji asked him.
"Yes." Tezuka replied and kissed him more. Fuji went to use his hand to help guide himself inside him and Tezuka took his own erection in his own hand. It turned Fuji on incredibly. He had never seen him do that. Fuji wasn't even in him and he was already moaning. Tezuka smiled hearing the moan as he kept kissing Fuji.
Fuji slowly entered him. He marveled at it. Tezuka knew to relax and to not press himself down too much too fast. He stroked himself and Fuji watched when he could. It felt amazing, he felt amazing. He was hot and tight and more amazing than Fuji could remember anything ever feeling and he was not even halfway in him yet. He was at that spot inside him though. Fuji knew to stop moving until the waves of pleasure passed and to kiss him during. Tezuka let Fuji know when he was ready for him to continue moving inside him. Fuji hesitated, "Ne, Kunimitsu, this is fine, you feel amazing, we don't...."
Tezuka kissed his words away, "Syusuke....move." He said it harshly as if frustrated but he was smiling. Fuji laughed and kissed him again. Then started moving being sure to touch that spot as gently as he could while working the rest of himself inside. Fuji was about three fourths of the way inside him when he started gently thrusting as if he was all the way inside. Tezuka somehow knew. On Fuji's next gentle thrust he moved his hips up to meet it sliding Fuji deeper into him and moaning along with Fuji.
He looked at Fuji as if he would order him do 100 laps if he didn't put all of the rest of himself inside him. To cover the laugh that threatened to come out of Fuji, he slid deeper inside him with Tezuka again meeting his stroke moaning as he did. Fuji replaced Tezuka's hand on his erection with his own. Fuji kept sliding slowly in and out of him going in deeper each time with Tezuka meeting him when he thrust in. Tezuka had slowly somehow turned them so that while he was still on his back, they were both also partially on their sides as well. At first Fuji thought he did this because he might have been hurt but then on the next thrust Fuji figured it out. Tezuka wrapped one leg around Fuji and had more maneuverability. His hands were cupping Fuji's ass. Tezuka figured there was no way Fuji would not be all the way inside him. Tezuka would make sure he was. Fuji moaned, loudly, when he figured out what he had done and why. Thrilled that Tezuka held such surprises too.
Fuji smiled and kissed him as he stroked deeper still into him making both of them moan. Fuji was almost all the way inside him and Fuji knew Tezuka would think it was all the way. It was enough, more than enough, deeper than Fuji had ever been with anyone. Tezuka was close to coming but was waiting for Fuji to come with him. Tezuka was kissing him, incredibly saying things now, "Syusuke....you feel so good....don't stop....I want you so much......you're so deep inside me.....Syusuke....I love you....Syusuke...."
Fuji was a second away from coming and he stopped buried deep inside him. At some point Fuji had started crying to his amazement but he was smiling at the same time. Fuji was also aware that he was shaking with both emotion and pleasure. He thrust inside him one long last gentle stroke. He felt Tezuka start to come saying his name again. Fuji was lost and heard himself cry out "Ah...Kunimitsu...!" and he came inside him while Tezuka kissed him and came.
They lay kissing and panting for a minute or two coming back to themselves. Tezuka went to move to a more comfortable position not quite realizing that Fuji was not yet completely soft and still deep inside him. "Wait, easy." Fuji told him and slowly withdrew himself. Fuji then lay next to him and kissed him still surprised when Tezuka kissed him back so ardently.
Tezuka put his arms around Fuji but he didn't say anything. Fuji wondered if he was all right. Or hurt. "All right?"
"No." Tezuka said.
Fuji was shocked. "I..."
"No, next time Syusuke, I'd like you to kiss me more."
Fuji laughed in surprise. "Ne, you've only recently started kissing me so much."
"Yes, that is something I need to work on. You need to be kissed more often."
"Yes." He said it so deadpan that Fuji could not help laughing.
"Mn. What else do I need?"
"To say my name when you come more often."
"Ah. Anything else?"
"I'll make up a list. Add it to our training."
"Of course. Unless there are other tennis club members you haven't gotten around to kissing yet?"
"I'll make up a list."
"Fuji, Your list had better only have one member's name on it."
"Fuji, shut up and kiss me."
Fuji thought of a million and one replies and kissed him instead. As they turned kissing they both felt how covered in each other they were and both made a face. "Shower or bath?" Fuji asked.
"Bath. I'm not used to warm showers." Tezuka looked meaningfully at Fuji.
"Really? This whole time? The rumor is you just, have always, liked cold showers."
"I didn't before you came to Seigaku." Fuji laughed and laughed harder when Tezuka did not because he was telling the truth.
"Ah. An acquired taste." Fuji smiled, kissing him, happy and enjoying this. "I'll go start the bath, come join me when you want."
Fuji was actually glad to have a minute to himself. He started the bathtub and washed himself. He looked in the mirror and smiled at himself. He felt a little drunk with happiness. Then he thought maybe Tezuka needed a minute in the bathroom. He thought of something to do to get out of there. He wrapped a towel around himself and went downstairs. He tried to make noise as walking silently was his habit. Tezuka was coming out of his room and looked at him. "Mn. I forgot something. I'll be up in a minute." He went downstairs and got his phone to charge it and then remembered the rain. He got out the phone list and brought both to his room. He charged his phone checking for messages and finding none. Then he put the list by the phone. He waited another minute, fixed the bed, and then walked slowly to the bathroom door which was open a crack. He knocked and pushed back the door. Tezuka was in the bathtub.
"I keep forgetting to charge my phone." He explained dropping the towel and climbing in. The water was quite hot. "Too warm for you?" Tezuka shook his head no. Fuji figured the temperature of the water must have felt good. He must be sore. Fuji well remembered other lovers complaining and with no one else, even his first, had he ever put himself that far inside. He sat and Tezuka pulled him back towards him holding him tight. Fuji relaxed and waited. He then found he could not stand not asking anymore. "Are you sore?"
"I'm sore but I'm not hurt or hurting." Tezuka leaned Fuji back and towards his side and kissed him. "You were very gentle." Tezuka kissed him as if thinking about how to say something, "Almost too gentle." He said it in a low near growl.
Fuji was surprised.Thrilled. Something new he learned. Something very good. "Ah."
"Are you sore?" Tezuka asked him.
"Mn? From earlier?" Tezuka nodded kissing him again. "About the same as you." Then Fuji smiled because he thought of a million and one quips he could make.
"You mean from so many times in a short amount of time?"
"Ne. Both, you're not small yourself as if you didn't know. But you've never hurt me, even when you were rough, you were gentle."
"I didn't enjoy then half as much as now." Fuji kissed him back understanding completely. "Is your brother....no, sorry, never mind."
Fuji laughed lightly. "Everyone asks that. Its fine. No, he isn't quite as," Fuji searched for a phrase, "generously proportioned." Tezuka smiled at the phrasing. "Didn't you hear the rumor when he left Seigaku that was the reason why? That it wasn't in tennis but in the shower room where he had trouble competing with me?" Fuji was annoyed just thinking about it again.
"No, I never heard that. Sorry they said that." Tezuka paused, "People really don't tell me rumors and stories."
"Mn. That's true." Fuji thought for a minute, "Ne, what will you say to Oishi?"
"The truth. That I was wrong and that I'm sorry, I'll say the same to Kikumaru too."
"Ah. Eiji will appreciate that. Oishi's a good friend. I'm sure he will
work towards being your friend again." Fuji turned in the bathtub wrapping
his legs around him and facing him. "Thank you."
Fuji smiled. "For waiting for me."
Tezuka smiled somehow he knew what Fuji meant. "It wasn't always easy to do."
"Probably not, but if it had been, it wouldn't have been as much fun." Fuji smiled and leaned closer to him, hugging him, "I do love you."
Fuji felt Tezuka's smile broaden against his neck. "I love you too." He kissed Fuji's neck gently as it was still bruised. His light touch was sending shivers down Fuji again. Fuji pulled back to face him and their lips met in a kiss.
They eventually got out of the bathtub. Fuji initiated it by asking Tezuka what time it was. He rarely wore a watch but always just knew what time it was. As if he had an internal clock. He never needed an alarm clock. Fuji had tested this out when he discovered this soon after meeting him. Tezuka was at most one minute off ever. It fascinated Fuji still. It was late.
They dried each other off kissing now and then and afterwards, headed back to bed.
Fuji had gotten Tezuka new bed clothes to replace the torn shirt. He would have looked, just bizarre, not matching even though he seemed not to care. Fuji put his pants back on and put on a soft t-shirt instead of a long sleeved top. He didn't want to be chilled when it rained but it was too warm to sleep next to Tezuka all covered up. He was so nice and warm to snuggle with. Fuji would never have thought it.
Tezuka peeked out the window and up at the sky. It was still clear, the stars and moon were out, he looked at Fuji.
Fuji shrugged. Fuji always knew the weather like Tezuka always knew the time. Fuji smiled thinking they could do time and weather whenever people called them. Tezuka saw Fuji shrug and smile and kissed him. It was an affectionate kiss given purely out of love. It made Fuji's heart skip a little faster.
"Friday?" He asked when the kiss ended, "If you aren't busy, there's a new tennis place. Want to play?"
"Always." Fuji smiled and curled back around him. Tezuka was warm, strong, gentle, loving, and felt safe.
Tezuka was wrapping Fuji up in his arms and kissing Fuji's forehead, his hair, and even his hand before he held it in his own.
Fuji knew for the first time, Tezuka would be there when Fuji woke up.
Fuji felt for the first time safe, and warm, and loved.
He fell asleep smiling and wondering wickedly if he still looked like an angel to Tezuka.
On to Chapter 50!!