Chapter Forty Five ~ Fuji

Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)

Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)

Fuji looked guiltily up at Tezuka who seemed only to be listening, not judging so Fuji continued.

"My brother and I are very close in age and did everything together growing up. But we are very different people. My brother is forceful and demanding where I try to bend and be lenient. My brother always was getting picked on because he is so proud, so aggressive, and so stubborn. He made enemies with his mouth and could not back up what he said with his fists. I always had to protect him. I never minded. I love my brother. My brother has always been jealous of me and my....abilities. He took up tennis when I did and is very good. Talented. Passionate. But was always frustrated that things seem to come easier for me. I made friends easier, I did well in school easier, I play tennis easier, and he has always been jealous. It does not help that his one year apart combined with his stubborn streak means he is also often less mature. He was less ready to experience dating, love, and relationships than I was. Than I am. He was jealous of my first girlfriend. And the one after that. I dated but I never really lost my heart before." Fuji paused to sit up and sip some more tea. Tezuka did too.

"As you know, I love my brother very much. He has a beautiful soul. He, even while jealous, is still much more attuned to me than most of my family is. Because of my....abilities, most of my family feels I should find my own way and they will support me. They dote on Yuuta who interestingly enough abhors the attentions lavished on him. Yuuta is probably the only person who really knows me, everything about me, and who has known me my whole life. I love my brother and it hurts to see that he hates me. I understand that the opposite of love is not hate, its apathy, when someone no longer cares about you anymore. My brother hating me is the way he loves me. Its a comfortable relationship for him and I too often encourage it making jokes and being affectionate even when he pushes me away."

Fuji sighed and curled up a little more with Tezuka because the next part was harder. "All that changed the summer before my freshman year. I was invited to participate in an exclusive tennis training camp. Yuuta was not and was furious. My Mother insisted I go. My family went overseas on a long vacation without me." Fuji gave a slight laugh, "I would have preferred to go with them and should have insisted as it turns out."

Fuji snuggled up with him a little more, enjoying the feel and smell of Tezuka even if this was probably the last time Fuji would ever be this way with him. "I had never dated a guy before. I found I was attracted to people, not their gender. I had kissed guys before but I had only dated girls up until that point. There was a guy at the camp, my age, our age. It was the kind of thing where your eyes meet across a crowded room and you're drawn to each other. Like magnets. Both attracted and feeling so strong you're compelled towards each other. He walked up to me and knew who I was. This happens often, you've seen it. People know me or think they know me because they've seen or heard of me."

Fuji paused for a reaction and Tezuka nodded. "This time, for the first time, I was flattered. My heart was beating in my chest. It was like all the air was sucked out of the room. He had long blond hair and intense eyes. You were just drawn to him. Like how people are drawn to you Tezuka." Fuji paused to take another sip of tea.

"It was the first night at the camp after dinner where everyone met everyone else. The next thing I knew he and I were walking to play together. Away from everyone else. I am not even sure who asked whom to play, and you know, I never do that. I have people challenge me all the time but this was different. I played him. He was very good, very passionate, very driven. I won though. I usually do. I thought that would be the end of it. I don't know, maybe I was scared because I felt so intense about it, about him. The timer on the lights went out on the court as we were going to leave and he pushed me against the fence and kissed me. He was sweating, his kiss was hard, demanding, it was like nothing I had ever experienced before. I should tell you that my..." Fuji paused to get control of what he almost said....

He cleared his throat..."...my brother had by then, kissed me, and touched me before. I think my brother did it to taunt me. He would just kind of grope me and kiss me randomly. I didn't know how to handle it so I generally ignored it. I know now that it was wrong and made things worse but at the time, I wanted the attention and affection from someone, even my brother, perhaps especially my brother who otherwise seemed to hate me."

Fuji looked at Tezuka who did not react. Fuji half expected Tezuka to hit him or run away in disgust. Most people would, wouldn't they? Fuji suddenly missed Tezuka. Missed him and he had not even left yet. Fuji wanted to be comforted, reassured, told it was all right, even if it was a lie. Fuji shifted in Tezuka's lap and put his arms around him feeling like he might cry again. Tezuka only tightened his arms around Fuji. Arms Fuji was not really aware were there before. He stroked Fuji's back in circles that felt comforting, safe, caring, even if it was going to be a lie later, Fuji didn't care. Fuji drew a shuddering breath in and leaned back to look, just look, at Tezuka's face.

Tezuka leaned in and softly kissed Fuji. Like it was the most natural thing in the world. Like he wanted to even still. He pressed his lips to Fuji's and Fuji nearly froze like Eiji did in his room not so long ago. Tezuka put his arms even more around Fuji as if to let Fuji relax into the kiss, the embrace. Fuji, in this new pattern now of letting go, did.

Fuji only forced himself to relax, then he kissed back gently, and let Tezuka lead. Tezuka kissed Fuji with long slow kisses, using his lips only and then made each one a little longer. He gently reached out his tongue, touching Fuji's lips, and then his tongue sending a shock wave of pleasure through Fuji's body. They kissed for a long time. Just kissed. Fuji realized he had closed his eyes and was afraid when he opened them he would be dreaming. Then Tezuka kissed him lighter and lighter as if reversing how deep it was and then ended the kiss. He then hugged Fuji and waited for Fuji to continue talking. Fuji's every sense reeled. He adjusted himself on Tezuka's lap taking his weight off a pressure point, reached for his tea which Tezuka was already handing him. He sipped. Swallowed. Handed the glass back to Tezuka who to Fuji's surprise then drank from the same glass, the same place on the glass Fuji did. As if it was natural. The most natural thing in the world and not a very unusual happening.

Where was I? Fuji thought trying to clear his head, Ah, the kissing. "So, he was kissing me hard, passionately, and his hands started to wander over me, much different than a girls and much different than even my....my brother who knew me. But it was like he knew me at the same time. It was like he knew where to touch me and how. All that in just a kiss and a feel. It was incredible. I had won the match but I found I was lost. All he said was thank you and he walked away. I didn't even know his name. I did notice he was not in my cabin and wondered what would happen. I stayed up late wondering and wanting more. I didn't even see him for the next two days. Two days. I looked everywhere, tried to be casual about it, tried to forget it, and even started to suspect it never happened." Fuji laughed a little remembering.

"I took it out on the courts. I fiercely beat everyone who came near me. You know, I am not usually like that. I was building quite a reputation there in addition to the one I had walking in the door. It was the kind of place where you win or you go home until the final ten who vie for placements. I wanted to stay. I wanted to find him. I wanted him to find me again. I knew he was good. I knew he would beat everyone around him if he was really there. I was just starting to adjust to the pace of the routine when at dinner, I saw him. Or I should say, he saw me. He sat right behind me with his new friends as he ate and I sat with mine. I could barely eat. I was nervous. You know me. I drowned my food with hot sauce just to gag it down so I would not be sick, forgetting that everyone would be watching me surprised. I forced a smile when they did. Somehow it became a cabin against cabin challenge to see who could eat the hottest things. His cabin versus mine. I focused on that and was able to forget him for a while and my feeling nervous. We, by the way, won. The chef had habanero peppers and I ate one seeds and all. The other guy from his cabin who tried it got sick at the table."

Fuji sipped the tea while Tezuka smiled slightly as if he could see a younger Fuji winning such a contest.

"Actually its thanks to my brother that I learned to enjoy so many unique flavors. I would come back from the washroom while eating with my family and he would have drowned my food in odd flavorings while I was gone. Or fill my plate for me with the most terrible array of items. Usually burning hot or sour or too sweet or too spicy or too anything. It took me and my stomach years to get used to it but now I find I like it." Fuji shrugged. "It never seems to bother me or my stomach. I found out then that he, that guy, was not allowing me to focus like I had thought. Instead he was standing right behind me the entire time. I just had not yet noticed. He was casually leaning himself into me when I sensed him. He was hard and leaning it right into me. On me. He then made a crude joke about not wanting to be anywhere me or the bathroom that night and helped his cabin mates carry their losing player out. It hurt. It really hurt and it confused me. I went for a walk before lights out with a girl from one of the womens cabins. There were fewer girls than men as always but they were there competing against each other. We only really saw them at meals. She was nice, younger than me, and pretty. She had long curly dark hair. She said she liked me. I liked the attention. She mentioned what a jerk the guy who made that rude remark was. She mentioned him by name. It was the first time I'd heard it."

Fuji smiled remembering, "She wanted to kiss me and didn't believe me when I told her she shouldn't. I had brushed my teeth and washed my hands but the peppers are very hot and the burning lingers for hours sometimes even longer. She insisted, wanting to try it. I kissed her and we laughed as she felt it burning her lips and tongue. I walked her to her cabin and was on my way slowly back to mine. He came out of nowhere and pulled me back into the woods. He was angry. Jealous. And he had heard what I said about the burning. He kissed me anyway not caring. While he did, he put his hand on the front of my shorts and then into them. He was surprised and wanted to see for himself. I know I am rather, well...endowed. Its not a blessing, really. Most people shy away from it like its going to hurt them." Fuji smiled.

"Several girls I had dated did. I had been in enough locker rooms and heard my brother talk enough to know by then that I am, unusually proportioned. My size seemed to intrigue him. He wanted to see if I was just as sensitive as anyone else. He touched me and even took me briefly in his mouth. He then just kissed me and would not even let me press up against him or touch him. I was curious. I was really turned on. And then he left me there, walking away. The showers there luckily were private. Well you could see the sides and the top and the bottom but there was a curtain. I stuck the sides of the curtain carefully with water so no one could see and had to, relieve myself. I did it fast, ashamed, and wanton. But I would not have been able to sleep or function otherwise. Even so the touch of the peppers even after washing lingered on my fingers and I felt a burn as if I accidentally put sore muscle gel there for the next two days. A constant reminder of him. A constant burn."

"This went on for the next two weeks. He would appear when I was alone or after seeing that girl. He would turn me on until I was physically sick and shaking with lust and walk away. It got to the point where I would see her just so he would appear. I felt bad about using her but was crazy with wanting him. It got to the point where just his voice was enough to turn me on.I was in a constant state of lust. I played harder than I ever had in my life. More and more people went home. Eventually there were three mens cabins left and only one girls. I decided this had to stop. I simply could not take it anymore. It was no longer fun. I met him one afternoon and told him that this had to end. We ended up somehow in one of his cabin's showers and he took me from behind roughly. He never touched me. I begged him to but he wouldn't. I had done some things, sexually, but I had never had sex with anyone else, not as se...." Careful Fuji warned himself as he almost told again. He held it in hoping Tezuka would not notice.

"So I was confused, scared, and upset. I told them I had food poisoning the next day and tried to go home. They knew my eating tastes by then so everyone left me alone. My family was still away so I had to stay. He came to me while I lay in bed, upset. He seemed surprised I was crying and then felt terrible when he thought that it was my first time and he was so rough. He stayed with me all afternoon. Kissing, holding me me, touching me, talking to me. It was heaven. It was like he was a different person. He loved me. He was gentle with me. He pleasured me. I was high. Seriously high. I fell in love with him that afternoon. He explained that it was all just a game. He thought I had played like that before. As I went to sleep I told him I loved him. I had never said it to anyone before, or, since. He kissed me, smiled, and said, "Don't." I was confused, lost, upset. He kissed me again and left."

"I....I'm sorry, Tezuka. I am just rambling on about the past. Its getting late. You should go....oh...."

Tezuka must have sensed Fuji's distress. He again took Fuji in his arms and kissed him.

Then without another word, he blew out the candle and lead Fuji upstairs to the big bathtub where he filled it.

He removed his glasses and suddenly for Fuji it was the other Tezuka, the gentle one, the stranger, who undressed Fuji, kissing him everywhere. Loving him. Taking him in his mouth until Fuji came shuddering, whispering his name, while the bathtub filled. Tezuka then met Fuji's mouth again in a gentle kiss. He put salts in the bath and then they climbed in. He washed Fuji as if wanting to touch him everywhere. Then he wrapped Fuji in his arms, turning him. He wrapped Fuji's legs around his waist, holding Fuji facing him, just sitting in the warm scented water, and waited for the next part of what Fuji had to say.

As if Fuji could resist.