Learning to Land.
Chapter Five ~Kaido~
Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)
Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)
Kaidoh Kaoru had troubles. He was a freshman this year at Seigaku Junior High and played in the school tennis club. He worked very hard to get ahead, to win, and to succeed. It was who he was. When he lost, he fought harder and never gave up. It was how he was.
Kaidoh had been told he looked serious. He also had been told he sometimes looked mean, although he wasn't. He just had a lot on his mind and felt uncomfortable walking around smiling like a fool. He tended to be shy so people thought he was cold or even sometimes dangerous. He wasn't. Behind his scary seemingly cold gaze, he was a passionate, driven person who loved animals, nature, sports, and was always looking for love.
But Kaidoh worried that for him, with his shy and serious nature, it would never happen. Love and even close friendships somehow always seemed to pass him by.
Most of the time, he was fine with that. He had things to do and goals to achieve. He could not afford to be distracted by the follies of love. He wanted to be a top tennis player. One of the best in the world. He wanted to get into a good school to please his parents. He wanted to follow in his father's footsteps and attend the same university his father did. Love, fun, and friends would only end up getting in his way. Kaidoh could not afford to lose.
No matter how lonely he ever felt. Besides he was used to being alone by now.
Being alone, being lonely was something he had needed to get used to anyway. The tennis world he knew from reading was very cut throat. You could not afford to let your guard down. Letting people in and close to you could only get you hurt. No one would ever love you like your family did.
Kaidoh figured he was actually very lucky. Luckier than many others. He had a very close family. Though sometimes, a little too close. His mother was sweet, kind, and completely obvious to the world around her in a charming, innocent way. His younger brother was a beautiful guy, loving, popular, adoring, and adorable.
His father...Kaidoh always paused when he thought of his father. The truth was that Kaidoh realized he was a lot like his father. It often bothered him. His father seemed to be a serious, strong, and important man. An honored bank employee. A junior Vice President on his way up to the top rapidly. He was adored by his family and co-workers. From the outside looking in, his father seemed to have it all going his way. A good job, a nice home, a loving family, but only Kaidoh knew it was all a candy coated lie. A distortion of the truth.
Kaidoh was raised to believe in traditional values and respect. In honoring your elders and your family. Trouble was, family love in Kaidoh's household was very different than any other family he had ever heard of. Kaidoh and his father had...
Kaidoh had been his father's lover a couple of times the summer before this year.
It had started slowly and eventually progressed until Kaidoh had to admit that was what they were even if his father never did. His father rationalized that as long as Kaidoh was technically a virgin, and as long as Kaidoh was on top, then they were doing nothing wrong. His father said he was just teaching him. It was around that confusing time that his brother started sleeping in Kaidoh's bed with him. His brother was jealous of their father's attentions and affection lavished out of the blue on Kaidoh. Kaidoh and his brother kissed and fooled around but took it no further as Kaidoh used his father's own rationalization for his brother.
His father seemed like a strong in control guy but the fact of the matter was, he discovered his father was an extremely submissive person. His father was aggressive in getting what he wanted yes, but what his father wanted was really to be dominated and seduced. His father wanted to be the one controlled to a shocking disgusting extent. It was a shocking realization for Kaidoh as the illusions he had of his strong dominant respected father shattered around him with every moan and sigh his father made when Kaidoh took him. It made Kaidoh angry at himself for allowing it and angry at his father for wanting it. For wanting him.
Kaidoh was angry and ashamed.
And at the same time, Kaidoh feared being just like his father. His fantasy the entire time was that his father would take him. It just felt wrong when Kaidoh younger, smaller, and weaker was on top of the strong man he had once so admired.
He thought maybe it was because his father was older. Maybe that was why and Kaidoh when he was with people his own age wouldn't want that too but later, when Kaidoh started fantasizing about other guys he had seen, models and famous people with perfect bodies, Kaidoh found himself over and over again wondering what being the one pleasured must be like. He wondered and felt completely ashamed of wanting this. It was another dirty little secret he added to his list.
It was a stressful and confusing time for Kaidoh. He was unhappy and found he was walking around constantly confused, turned on, and tempted. It seemed like everywhere he turned his father and/or his brother were each pulling at him for his time and attention and jealous of each other. Kaidoh used tennis and a summer tennis camp to escape and think about things. To get away.
When Kaidoh returned a few weeks later, things had drastically changed. Kaidoh discovered that his father had started sleeping with his main boss. He returned from camp and suddenly they went back to being just father and son. There was no talk, no discussion, things just snapped back to the way things were before the summer. His brother Kazue had a crush on a guy in his class once school started and so now they went back for the most part to being just close brothers.
But things did not snap back just like they had been. They had been stretched out of shape for too long and things were now all distorted and everything felt wrong.
While on one hand Kaidoh enjoyed the reprieve from the stress, new feelings of loneliness overwhelmed him with an ache for the first time in his life. There was nothing and no one to fill the space that losing both of his closest friends and lovers left when they both moved on without him. No one needed him. No one wanted him. Kaidoh was alone with his confused thoughts and feelings and had no one to talk to. Over time, Kaidoh figured he would have to learn to accept this as his family's reality. He tried to accept it. He adapted and grew. He learned to expand his limited and childish views that the world and a family should be one way and only one way. He incorporated each change in his beliefs of values and respect so that it somehow worked for him.
However, he never thought anyone else would agree with him. Kaidoh knew not to ever tell anyone anything. So over time Kaidoh became even more isolated and defensive. He found that if he was aggressive about wanting to keep people away, it usually kept people from inquiring too closely into matters that simply were none of their concern. Kaidoh loved his family. He loved his father and his brother. If loving them meant that he was a little more alone in school and growing up, then that was the price he was more than willing to pay. His father was not perfect and Kaidoh and his brother were young. They had made mistakes. His father being older had made a mistake in seducing Kaidoh. Kaidoh had made the same mistake with his brother by allowing his brother also to seduce him. Kaidoh did not mind paying for the mistakes if his father and brother were happy. School was only a stepping stone for Kaidoh to bigger and better things. Someday he would be the best in the world and when he was the best he would have earned his happiness.
Until then he had work to do.
Or at least that is how he planned on dealing with things now.
Almost from the start Kaidoh knew there was going to be problems. The first day his freshman year his problems came in the form of another freshman student fellow member of the tennis club. Momoshiro Takeshi. That first day Momoshiro tried to befriend a very overwhelmed, very defensive, very shy Kaidoh.
Momoshiro the idiot asked too many questions. Questions Kaidoh was not prepared to think of let alone answer. While they practiced that first day, Momoshiro warmed up with him. He told Kaidoh all about his girlfriend Shiori. In ten minutes Kaidoh knew everything about him, her, and their relationship. Momoshiro asked Kaidoh if he had a girlfriend, if he had ever been on a date, if he had ever kissed a girl, and on and on and on.
Kaidoh answered to shut him up that he felt he was too young to date and girls would only be a distraction from his goals. Momoshiro had laughed at him. He made jokes during the rest of practice even saying several times that maybe Kaidoh didn't like girls. Or maybe he was a late bloomer. Or maybe he was gay.
That was when Kaidoh hit him.
Right. In. Front. Of. Their. Vice. Captain.
Kaidoh was mortified. He had never lost control of his temper like that before. He just snapped for a second and then instantly felt horrible. The entire time he and Momoshiro ran the fifty laps around the grounds for fighting, (Momoshiro running next to him and constantly telling Kaidoh what an idiot Kaidoh was as if any of this was Kaidoh's fault) all Kaidoh could think was that Momoshiro was not worth losing sight of his goals. Momoshiro would not make him quit the tennis club. Momoshiro would not make him quit Seigaku where his father had gone to school and his little brother would eventually go. Kaidoh would not lose to Momoshiro. Ever.
In the next few days Kaidoh realized Momoshiro was loud, brash, and overconfident to hide his own insecurities. In his earlier anger Kaidoh had not realized this. Usually someone would ask Kaidoh too many questions and his one word answers would shut them down and shut them up. But not Momoshiro. Oh no. The guy could not take the hint to leave Kaidoh alone. He sought opportunities to try to talk to him. He tried to warm up with him even telling others that Kaidoh wanted him to. Momoshiro tried to make Kaidoh like him.
He failed miserably. Kaidoh would never forgive stupid Momoshiro laughing at him or suggesting Kaidoh was gay.
How. Dare. He. That. Idiot. That. Bastard!
Kaidoh knew he did not look gay. He knew he might not even be gay. He was young and he knew looking around him that experimentation was very common. It was possible he had just been experimenting. He knew the things he had done with his father and brother were not imprinted on his skin like a tell tale rash or disease. It wasn't that Kaidoh really thought he was gay, he just found muscular, cut, strong men fascinatingly beautiful. And if they were on top leading and making Kaidoh feel good, then all the better the fantasy.
It was a fantasy.
People fantasized things all the time that never happened, didn't they? That is why they were called fantasies, right?
Kaidoh had been on two dates with two different girls after he returned from tennis camp. The girls had asked Kaidoh out and he was confused and lonely. He had even hoped to make his brother and/or his father jealous.
He found on the dates that each of the girls was rather annoying. They both talked loud. They both cried at stupid things. They both were soft. They both were rude about manners. They didn't like working out, running, or good, clean, healthy sweat and physical activity. They didn't like or enjoy sports or competitions. They wanted to talk all the time. They wanted to talk constantly about things like feelings or clothes, and asked questions Kaidoh was not ready to answer or didn't care about. Who was the first person he had kissed? When what the first time he had come? It had not gone well.
Once the idiot Momoshiro finally understood that Kaidoh did really not like him, (probably the time when Kaidoh pushed him away and yelled at him to leave him the hell alone earning them another fifty laps) Momoshiro turned Kaidoh's not liking him into a game. Into a rivalry. He competed with Kaidoh for everything. If Kaidoh didn't want to be his friend, then Momoshiro would show Kaidoh how stupid Momoshiro thought he was. He picked on Kaidoh constantly.
Momoshiro decided in his pea brain he would show Kaidoh how many more push ups he could do, how many more racket swings he could do, how many more tennis balls he could collect, and so on and so on. Because of Momoshiro they fought bitterly over one cubbyhole, the last one left to put their things away. Momoshiro was convinced it was his although Kaidoh knew differently. They had nowhere else to put their things so every day they both tried to get there first and claim the space. Neither of them wanted to lose or be the weaker.
It was stupid, Kaidoh knew but he just could not stop. Momoshiro the idiot was a master at pushing his buttons. Kaidoh although he was strong and looked scary knew he had to stand up to him even if he felt like avoiding the idiot. Kaidoh was very against anyone being a bully. He knew for some reason he intimidated Momoshiro and when he refused to befriend him, Momoshiro was hurt and mad. Stupid Momoshiro was acting out, but Kaidoh could not allow Momoshiro to win. To let him win would be to allow himself to be bullied. He would not bully Momoshiro back or threaten him but would patiently never lose to him no matter what the new contest to prove himself better Momoshiro dreamed up. Kaidoh knew he could handle Momoshiro with one hand tied behind his back.
Momoshiro was annoying but a manageable problem.
His real and biggest problem is with one of his senpai's. Oishi Shuuichirou. He was only a junior but he was so good he just made the tennis team regulars.
And over time, Kaidoh found he was completely infatuated with him.
It was all the little things that Oishi-senpai did. He never failed to say hello to Kaidoh when he saw him. He was friendly and polite. A good guy. Everyone liked him. Girls and guys. He was quiet. Hard-working. Studious. Serious. Shy. Strong. He asked how Kaidoh was doing many mornings and seemed to pause and want to listen to Kaidoh's always brief answers. Kaidoh found the daily warm hellos from Oishi-senpai were the thing that made his day. They made him have to remember not to walk around smiling like he was stupid Momoshiro all day. They made his insides feel warm and soothed any feelings of loneliness away. When his senpai was not there or busy or was talking to someone else, Kaidoh felt his spirit wilt and he knew he went out of his way to put himself in his senpai's path until he got some response.
This had started off so simple too.
It was just a few hellos from a teammate and then Kaidoh found he really enjoyed watching his senpai play. He found he went out of his way to watch him. When his senpai was playing he was focused and incredibly graceful. He moved with casual elegance and even though he tended to dress in baggier clothes, those same baggy clothes gave hot little glimpses of his soft naked skin and hard strong muscles working beneath as his senpai moved on the courts. The little flashes of his skin were the most erotic things Kaidoh has ever seen. Oishi-senpai was beautiful. When he looked at you and smiled it could take your breath away. His body was cut and strong. Kaidoh found he was showering near him just to watch him. To freeze the images of him naked and wet in his mind, storing them for later when he was alone.
Kaidoh had discovered his senpai worked out in the weight room. That day he saw him, he was transfixed at the sight of him. Kaidoh started making sure he was always around the days when Oishi-senpai after tennis club went to work out. The sight of him dripping sweat, his face twisted in effort and concentration, and his body completely pumped up turned Kaidoh on incredibly, but oh, even better were the sounds his senpai unconsciously made. His sounds followed Kaidoh home and into his bed every night. Little grunts and breaths as his senpai worked through his reps. Every night, Kaidoh pictured his senpai making those noises above him, wrapped around him, inside him. He pictured his senpai's sweat slicked muscles on his skin, his senpai's erection pushing into Kaidoh, the concentration on his face as his senpai pleasured him, his warm smile and his eyes looking at him...every sight, sound, and part of his senpai nightly brought Kaidoh to an intense orgasm, anticipating what it would be like to be with him. No matter how Kaidoh had tried to stop and struggled to think of someone else, he found he just couldn't.
It was then that Kaidoh knew he was in trouble. This felt like much more than a crush, much more than experimenting, and much, much more than just liking someone.
Kaidoh was as scared by his feelings as he was intrigued. Even his brother noticed and asked Kaidoh who the lucky girl or guy he liked was. Kaidoh was surprised and then realized it was the truth. No matter how much he tried to avoid it, it kept smacking him in the face. Kaidoh really liked Oishi-senpai, in fact, he more than liked him. Kaidoh knew in his heart, he might even be in love with him.
Oishi-senpai, Kaidoh was positive, was straight. More than straight. He did not even seem open to any kind of experimenting. He was as straight as their team Vice Captain Tezuka. In fact the rumors were that Oishi-senpai who seemed shy was really something of a ladies man. He had everyone said dated several gorgeous girls from their school and several others. Kaidoh had tried all year to keep up with who his senpai was supposed to be dating. Although it hurt him, Kaidoh knew one thing for certain: Oishi-senpai never dated any of the girls--no matter how beautiful, how nice, or how popular she was--for very long.
In the beginning of the year, Oishi-senpai had a very set and regular schedule. Kaidoh knew where his senpai was by day and time and was rarely disappointed. Then he watched as his senpai became close friends with Fuji-senpai and especially close with Kikumaru-senpai. Kaidoh was happy for his senpai getting more close friends. His senpai seemed happy. Kaidoh liked both senpais. Fuji-senpai was an awesome tennis player and Kikumaru-senpai was really funny. He made even Kaidoh laugh out loud in front of other people.
Kaidoh really liked Kikumaru-senpai, especially after Kikumaru-senpai noticed that Momoshiro and Kaidoh were always at each other's throats. They were one step away from fighting constantly and always getting into trouble. Kikumaru-senpai would always try to gently diffuse their fights by making them all laugh and by befriending Momoshiro. He called Momoshiro his little brother and started encouraging him in a playful way to leave Kaidoh alone. Kikumaru teased Momoshiro out of several of their fights with a well placed tickle, joke, or by leaning on the slightly shorter guy's shoulders or head. Its very hard to square off with your rival over space with Kikumaru-senpai leaning on your head. Kaidoh knew because Kikumaru-senpai had done it to him a few times too. Apparently he preferred Momoshiro's head to hang on. Kaidoh if nothing else respected how Kikumaru-senpai ran the daily laps Vice Captain Tezuka constantly assigned him without complaint or whining. He took his punishments well and was probably the only tennis club player who had to run more laps that year than Momoshiro and Kaidoh.
The only problem at first seemed to be that around Kikumaru-senpai, Oishi-senpai seemed to change his habits and his schedule. He seemed to be constantly around Kikumaru-senpai and seemed to be much happier except for that one week right before the last rankings when Kikumaru-senpai was injured while they played tennis. Kaidoh happened to be watching them play that day. He saw Kikumaru-senpai get hurt. It was a complete accident although Oishi-senpai rarely smashed the ball. Kaidoh was sure it was just bad timing and he watched shocked as Kikumaru-senpai yelled at Oishi-senpai to get away from him. To not touch him. For the first time since he knew he had feelings for Oishi-senpai this made Kaidoh worry.
He thought it would be all right as Kikumaru-senpai was out of school all week. Kaidoh had planned on asking Oishi-senpai help with weight training. They had enough in common with tennis club and working out that Kaidoh did not need to look far to find an excuse to talk to his senpai. As a freshman he could not compete for a regulars spot but he could at any time challenge any of the juniors and seniors, his senpais, for a match. He figured if nothing else, then he would ask Oishi senpai to play with him and warm up. Maybe they could be friends.
But that week went all wrong. Oishi-senpai seemed withdrawn and quieter than normal. He practiced all the time with Fuji-senpai and he never laughed or smiled. He stopped saying hello to Kaidoh or asking how he was. He did not work out and left right after tennis club every day. Kaidoh considered following him but did not want to stalk him. He even thought of asking his senpai if there was anything he could help him with or anything he wanted to talk over but felt totally uncomfortable doing this. So Kaidoh waited and hoped whatever was wrong would resolve itself. He considered that maybe Oishi-senpai wrongly blamed himself for Kikumaru-senpai's injury and hoped that once he realized he was not at fault he would go back to being his usual smiling awesome self. Kaidoh watched him closely though from far away and was upset wondering what was wrong and if there was anything he could do.
Finally on Friday of that week he watched after practice Oishi-senpai and Fuji-senpai played a seemingly spontaneous match. They both seemed to play very seriously and after a week of him watching Oishi-senpai play terribly, his senpai beat Fuji-senpai, astounding everyone. Everyone except Kaidoh Kaoru who always knew he could. After their match, Oishi-senpai seemed his old self. He showered and dressed fast while smiling. Kaidoh congratulated him as many others did. Oishi-senpai was polite but distracted. He left with Fuji-senpai immediately after. Kaidoh was relieved and worried; he wondered what was going on. Kaidoh ran hard that evening and thought it would make sleep come easy but it didn't. He tossed and turned all night worried and not certain why.
In the morning he found his worries terribly justified as Oishi-senpai and Kikumaru-senpai returned to practice. Together. They seemed very happy and closer than ever. They did not touch or look at each other improperly but Kaidoh had a feeling, there might be more to their relationship than just close friends and teammates. How much more he was not sure but something more. Something was there. Kaidoh trained extra hard to escape the pain he felt but it didn't help. Nothing did. His heart broke all weekend. He couldn't eat. He couldn't sleep. At one point his brother sensed something was wrong. He climbed into bed with Kaidoh for the first time since the summer and held him while silent tears fell. When he was done crying, Kaidoh finally slept in his brother's arms for what felt like the first time in days.
In the morning he told his brother what happened. His brother laughed at him. Kaidoh almost punched him until his brother reminded Kaidoh that this was not the worst thing to ever happen, in fact it was the best thing that could ever happen. He said, "Brother, you thought your senpai was never interested in guys and never going to be. You were wrong. He is into guys. Now all you have to do is wait until the time is right and let him know you're interested in him. What's the guy he's dating now like?"
Kaidoh tried to explain to his brother what Kikumaru-senpai was like. He was an awesome acrobat, a good tennis player, and funny but he was also temperamental at best. He was loud, brash, and occasionally obnoxious and hyperactive. He had a reputation for being a poor student, an airhead, and a troublemaker at school. The class clown. He was attractive, not to Kaidoh who preferred more built guys, but empirically, he was attractive. Kaidoh knew a lot of girls liked Kikumaru-senpai and several watched their tennis practices to specifically watch him play. In fact, the more he tried to describe Kikumaru-senpai, the more Kaidoh wondered out loud what Oishi-senpai saw in him. They seemed like complete opposites. They didn't seem to fit. Not at all.
Kaidoh realized his brother was right.
Kaidoh would not give up. He would fight for the person he loved and wait until the time was right to declare his feelings.
He vowed to do this although it was not an easy vow to keep. The next week was very difficult as Kaidoh heard the rumors of Oishi-senpai and his other senpai's troubles. He had seen and heard the seniors bullying Fuji-senpai. Before Kaidoh or anyone else could step in, Oishi-senpai did and protected Fuji-senpai. He was such a good guy. Then Kaidoh had heard a girl his senpai had dated had showed up at their school and gotten him and both Kikumaru-senpai in trouble. Most troubling, he had heard that if Oishi-senpai did not become a regular, he would be sent away to Saint Rudolph's school.
Kaidoh watched his senpai closely and worried. But other than watching, he could not get close to him no matter how he tried. And he did try, just even to talk to him or encourage him. Kaidoh realized how well liked his senpai was as his other senpai's seemed to close ranks around each other protecting themselves. All week Oishi-senpai was constantly surrounded by Fuji-senpai, Kawamura-senpai, Kikumaru-senpai, and Vice Captain Tezuka. They warmed up and played with him, they ate with him, and they all stuck together. His school team was strong Kaidoh realized because they were so close, and next year when they were all seniors, their club would be nearly impossible to beat. As long as Oishi-senpai stayed because his loss would truly be felt by the entire club. Certainly by Kaidoh.
Kaidoh was relieved when he watched his senpai win a spot on the regulars team. He would be staying at Seigaku. Now, all Kaidoh had to do was wait for his and Kikumaru-senpai's relationship, whatever relationship it was, to inevitably fall apart and then be there at the right time. Kaidoh thought things were now going to go very well. He was disappointed that tennis club was canceled on Saturday due to the weather but he looked forward to Monday and seeing his senpai again. Kaidoh trained hard all weekend in anticipation.
Sunday afternoon he received a surprising call. From Inui-senpai who Kaidoh barely knew. Inui-senpai played a difficult and arduous style he called data tennis that Kaidoh could not relate to. The tennis club's human computer usually kept to himself most of the time so Kaidoh did not know him well or even know that Inui knew who he was. Inui asked if Kaidoh could meet him to discuss something important.
As it was a request from his senpai, Kaidoh agreed.
On to Chapter 6!!