Learning to Fall.
Chapter Sixteen ~ Tezuka
Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)
Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)
Tezuka Kunimitsu is not inconsiderate or disingenuous. He is not prone to the trappings of comfort or luxury most others crave. He is a simple guy often made more complicated then necessary by people who do not know him. The only things Tezuka yearns to surround himself with, the things he finds to be both necessities and luxuries, are nature, harmony, serenity, and beauty.
All four of those words that he cherished so dearly are embodied to their fullest extent only in Fuji Syusuke.
He has searched to find them in others but no one he had ever known, ever seen, ever touched, so clearly stirs his soul as the tensai does.
He has been watching him for a long time, longer than Syusuke is even aware of because he has never told him that he has known him, of him, for years. He went to see the tensai play when they were still kids, just after murmurs of tensai, genius, prodigy, were bestowed upon the child who looked to be by all appearances merely a skinny, smiling boy.
Tezuka saw him play and that one game turned his childhood like of tennis into love. Into obsession. The smiling boy went from looking like an awkward child to an avenging angel within moments of his first serve. His opponent was an older, stronger, more experienced boy and Fuji swiftly and soundly beat him. He used a simply awesome display of control and prowess on every level possible. Complete control of his mind, body, self, opponent, and thus the game. He seemed to control the very air and space around him. He was graceful and swift, placid and concise, daring and dangerous.
He reminded Tezuka of an avalanche he once witnessed while mountain climbing with his father. Deceptively, breathtakingly beautiful, excruciatingly cold, and deadly. It looked easy to underestimate, as it rippled and moved hinting but never showing all its raw power. A river of snow and ice flowing, destroying anything that was in its way, remaking the land into something new, leaving only echos and stillness in its ice kissed, teeth scarred wake. There is a deep quiet beauty only found in dangerous things. Syusuke is beautiful in that way.
Tezuka went home after watching him play and stayed up half the night wondering what it would be like to be Syusuke. To own that power, that talent, that control at your beck and call. Tezuka then stayed up the other half wondering how to defeat him. He studied him, and researched everything he could find about him. He even went so far as to track down a video taped copy by a TV news team of Syusuke's first and last chess match. Syusuke was around five years old. He swiftly beat another boy, a master, to win the championship. Thoroughly defeating him in the same way he played tennis later. Tezuka has memorized the tape, he has watched it so many times. The images are burned on his brain.
The way the older boy dismissed his challenger. The way little Syusuke stopped smiling and opened his eyes, fully aware, just before he announced checkmate. The way the crowd swelled and murmured in disbelief. The interviews by the press after where Syusuke, shy, sweet, and smiling, announces in a soft voice he will not play ever again after.
But what Tezuka recalls most are the things an ordinary observer would not notice. Things that never made it to the news report. A captured moment where Syusuke's younger brother is utterly angry and jealous of the attention his older brother receives. His brother will not talk to him no matter how kind Syusuke is to him. He kicks him and storms away, unnoticed by Syusuke's proud parents and adoring sister. Syusuke, the winner, looks devastated. Tezuka feels like protecting him. He wants to hold the little boy and tell him it will be all right, but it is years later before he even sees the tape for the first time.
He also sees just after he wins, Syusuke steals a chess piece. A rook. He cups it in his hand and it disappears. He is smiling and looking the other way. He has done this before it seems. His hand flashes over the rook so fast Tezuka had to first slow motion and rewind the tape several times to witness it. He wonders if he still has the piece. He has always sensed that he does. He wonders often what else he has swiped to hold on to.
He also notices how upset Syusuke is for the loser of the competition. A guy Tezuka actually looked up just to talk to years later. A guy who is still email friends with Syusuke even now. Syusuke wrote and called him constantly after encouraging him and failing to get the guy back interested in chess again. The loser never played chess but he and Syusuke are still pen pals to this day. Syusuke does not mind if he gets hurt but he will not hurt others nor can he stand to see others hurt.
Even in a match. Unless he deems the person worthy of being hurt. Then he is brutal, ruthless, savage, unrelenting, and beautiful. Tezuka has tapes of his early matches to prove he was like this, he could play like this, and that is how he was.
Its safe to say it might not even exist in him anymore. That the person he was is gone.
This for a long time baffled Tezuka. Much of Fuji baffles and fascinates him still.
There were rumors of a love affair some say with a girl others with a boy at an invitational tennis camp just before their freshman year. The one rumor Tezuka dredged up the most is that he had an affair with one, a passionate first love, someone cheated on the other one, and both lovers were nearly destroyed by the aftermath.
But these are all rumors.
What Tezuka does know for fact is that Syusuke could easily skip and graduate early through junior high, high school, even university if he wanted to. Instead he stays, as if searching to fit in, for the experience, as if not to rush and be separate from others. He wants to belong but never quite does. He knows from talking to others that both Syusuke and his younger brother were picked on, picked out, bullied, and beat up by jealous boys in their classes. Syusuke is picked out for being Syusuke and his brother for being related to him. Syusuke allows himself to be beat up time and time again almost as if hoping that if he takes the abuse he will be liked. It is only when his brother is picked on as well that he fights back, ferociously. The bullying stops, they leave his brother alone fearing Syusuke. They leave Syusuke alone.
He does have friends though. Just most of them turn out to be tennis players who first admire him and then grow to like him. They say what a great friend he is. Syusuke is also well liked by girls in his classes. He has many girl friends and admirers. Even a girlfriend now and again, though never lasting long. Tennis, growing up, is his first and only love.
Tezuka also knows for fact that after the tennis camp that summer, Syusuke skipped most of his freshman year of school. He simply did not attend school often enough to pass. The paradox of a genius being threatened to be held back a year for failing is intriguing. Tezuka also knows that during that time, Fuji stopped playing tennis. Some said that he lost his edge or was injured and could no longer play. Still more said chronic fatigue syndrome or a bizarre disease. A very few said it was a nervous breakdown after the failed love affair.
Somehow, for some unknown reason, Syusuke suddenly started played tennis again. He played for that school in the spring, he tested out of his freshman year classes, and transferred to Seigaku early in their junior year.
And he played tennis again for Seigaku.
But something in him is broken.
Tezuka could hardly keep his heart still when he first heard he was coming. It was such a dream that Tezuka did not even dare to dream it. All Tezuka hoped was that they would meet in a match as opponents someday, he has never even considered teammates could be true.
Tezuka's blood raced when they first played, that first day, waiting for him to strike, to unleash, to attack, but something now in Fuji has always held back. He has allowed Tezuka to always win. Always. No matter how Tezuka has challenged him, badgered him, befriended him, hurt him, reached out to him, let him go, he is too damaged to respond or even reciprocate fully. He holds back. He will not hurt anyone. He would rather be hurt himself. He seems to enjoy the pain.
No matter what adversity seems to get thrown at him, Syusuke always smiles. He smiles while someone hurts him. He smiles while his heart is broken. He smiles while he is being broken. He never breaks. He is almost afraid to, as if he had once been broken before.
So Tezuka waits for him.
Waits for him and watches him.
Syusuke knew of him too by then. Tezuka had made quite a name for himself. They were attracted to each other on many levels. It was inevitable that they would become friends, feel challenged playing each other, find interests in common, and find the other a magnetic, compelling attraction they were both drawn towards.
Tezuka is no stranger to passion, he just holds it in check. He is not an animal but a cultured person who loves beauty in all things. Syusuke is beautiful even damaged. Perhaps even more because of it. And dangerous as hell. He loves his little games and diversions. Tezuka watches and waits.
He discovers at first to his pleasure that Fuji loves to play games mainly with Tezuka. A look here. A touch there. A glance. Standing too close. Speaking too softly. A touch on the inside of his wrist. A soft whisper of his hair caressing Tezuka's cheek as he reaches for something. He finds ways to slowly, subtly, seduce Tezuka. Tezuka holds back only because he has found its a teasing seduction.
Any time he responds, Fuji pulls away. If Tezuka still does not stop, then Fuji pushes him away. He questions Tezuka to push him away, when that doesn't work, he wrestles with him for control. When that doesn't work he insults him. When that doesn't work he withdraws into himself until he is left alone again. Like a turtle or an ostrich burying his head in the sand and then wondering why Tezuka will not play with him. Tezuka has tried every way he can to break through to him and nothing has worked.
Yet, Fuji is compelled and drawn towards Tezuka. Time and time again, when he does succeed and push Tezuka away, he follows after him, and starts teasing him all over again. Wanting him near and the second Tezuka is close, he shuts down again. It is maddening, exciting, and heartbreaking.
Fuji must have discovered that as Vice-Captain, Tezuka is the first one there in the mornings unlocking the door and Fuji comes early to shower one morning. He meets Tezuka unlocking the door and follows him into the room. There he walks in and then nonchalantly drops his clothes, walking naked, magnificent, and dangerous, stalking his way to the shower. He says nothing and takes a long time. Tezuka the first day is confused, and waits for him to come out.
He hears Fuji make a moaning noise and it is all Tezuka can do to stay seated, not go to him and see if he is all right, or what he is doing. Tezuka knows what he is doing and cannot bring himself to stand. Its a new level of teasing for them. He also knows that if he immediately goes in and does as Fuji teases, he will withdraw. So he waits.
Fuji. walks out of the shower smiling, he sees him waiting and says nothing. He is dripping wet and only wrapped in a small towel. He goes back to his clothes and slowly dries himself knowing Tezuka is watching. Then he puts on his practice clothes and asks Tezuka to play with him. Tezuka's heart is racing and then he realizes the tensai only means tennis.
He agrees suddenly hoping to catch a glimpse of the avalanche he senses in a sudden flash, once again building up behind Fuji's frozen mien when he now looks at Tezuka and Tezuka alone in that way.
Tezuka hopes both to witness when it lets loose and not to be harmed in the aftermath, though realizes it is a possibility. They play. Tezuka burns for him all day and it carries over into his night, alone, remembering every inch and line of him naked, walking to the shower, picturing him touching himself. Tezuka finds himself soon moaning, and crying out "Syusuke..." as he comes spilling into his own hand. He is more frustrated than before.
The next day it happens again. Tezuka waits and can barely sit still. He wants to look, to watch, to touch him, to please him. The third morning lest this madness continue, Tezuka arrives extra early to beat Fuji's game. But the tensai walks up right when Tezuka is unlocking the door, smiling. As if he knew Tezuka would try that. While he is in the shower, Tezuka calls over to him saying that he has to leave, he forgot something at home.
He simply could not stand the sight of him naked, wet, and that close, anymore. He needs space between them. Fuji asks him to lock him in and he will be done by the time Tezuka returns. Tezuka does and waits outside, his heart pounding, his erection throbbing. Then while waiting for a decent amount of time to pass before saying he has returned, he hears a sound, a moan, a cry. He realizes the tensai is touching himself, bringing himself to orgasm.
He cries Tezuka's name as he comes. Tezuka is shocked and nearly sick with want. It takes all of his control not to open the door.
At the same time, it occurs to him that that is exactly what the tensai wants. Fuji knows damn well what he is doing. Tezuka refuses, completely refuses to give in to these games.
Fuji, as if sensing his resolve, showers right next to him after morning practice that day. Fuji redoubles his efforts to touch, look, whisper to, and brush past Tezuka all day at school and afternoon practice. Fuji then showers right next to him after afternoon practice, even waiting until everyone else has left and they are alone, less than an arms length away.
Fuji arrives early the next morning when Tezuka does and strips to shower. Tezuka's restraint and resolve has lasted one day.
Tezuka is only human.
Tezuka locks them inside and follows Fuji to the entrance of the showers. Fuji notices and smiles waiting for him to say something.
"Why?" Tezuka finally asks.
Fuji only smiles more. "Mn. Watch me or join me?"
Tezuka feels he has to keep some semblance of control and knows if he reaches, if he shows passion or emotion, the tensai backs away, "I'll watch."
"Ah. From there, dressed?"
"Yes." Fuji shrugs, elegantly, and starts to touch himself for Tezuka. Tezuka realizes the only thing Fuji doesn't understand or know is how long Tezuka has watched him. For years, otherwise the tensai would have known how close he came to joining him then and there. Some days he muses he should have. Perhaps things would have ended up better.
Tezuka is inflamed though, seeing that passion back in Fuji, the part of him that was damaged and dead flickers to life as he touches himself looking at Tezuka. For his small stature he is extremely well endowed. Tezuka is by no means small but Fuji is exceptionally, fascinatingly, large. You can tell when he is soft, but when he is hard, its a little surreal how large he is.
Fuji knows this and smiles more as Tezuka watches him. He keeps his deep blue eyes open, locked on Tezuka the entire time he touches himself, stroking himself to orgasm. He comes hard, barely able to stand, and calls Tezuka's name. Then he smiles, breathing hard, and washes himself. The tensai gets dressed, and practices with Tezuka as if nothing has happened.
But something has happened deep within Tezuka's soul. He has learned for certain that the part of Syusuke he has most wanted to touch isn't dead, or gone, or lost, its just been locked away. Something about him crying Tezuka's name makes Tezuka believe, right or wrong, that he can unlock it. He is determined to find a way, to find that part of Syusuke's soul that he lost. Find it and restore it, cherish it, cherish him, whole and happy someday. Fuji has no idea the levels he has touched him on. Tezuka knows Fuji's games keep him amused, but, the tensai has no idea the overwhelming fire he stoked when he fanned the flames that morning. If he did, he would back away afraid as he usually does when something or someone gets too close.
Tezuka now knows him very, very well, better than even Syusuke thinks he does. He is now even more mesmerized by him, enchanted deeper, and challenged to find a way. Seeing the potential for him to be whole again, it enables Tezuka to hold on to his sanity for a little longer.
After every practice, Syusuke showers next to him, as if amused that Tezuka can hold back still. Before every morning practice, no matter how much Fuji suggests or teases, Tezuka just watches him touch himself, waiting for the tensai to reach for him. To really reach out for him.
Fuji loves a challenge more than anything. So does Tezuka.
But Tezuka has somehow miscalculated. He underestimated his level of want and need after all this time. He has also gravely underestimated how far the tensai would take things and Fuji's need to bring Tezuka close and at the same time push him away.
How Fuji brings this about, is Syusuke simply, slowly, and surely drives Tezuka completely mad with wanting him. He does it with his carefully toned velvet voice, his little light, seemingly casual touches, his scent, his hands, his hips, and his smile. He whispers all the time to Tezuka.
He whispers to him in the hallways, on the telephone, in the dressing room, on the court as they play doubles talking strategy. His voice is soft and promising, his breath is sweet and warm, and he stands so close each word and breath tickles the fine hairs on Tezuka's ear.
Fuji brushes a firm but rounded buttock against Tezuka's cock passing him in a crowd, making Tezuka burn with a sudden sense of lust. Fuji knows right where all of Tezuka is and no matter how much Tezuka moves away, Fuji always finds him. Connects their skin, their breath, their bodies. In fact, the tensai seems amused and challenged more whenever Tezuka tries to move himself away trying to be discreet. Fuji then starts brushing himself against Tezuka, letting him know he seems to be constantly erect around him. How Fuji hides it from everyone else Tezuka has no idea.
Fuji stands too close when he talks to him. His voice is finely honed to a mesmerizing cashmere honey colored hue. His body is toned to perfection and as sensitive as a coiled spring. He makes others jealous with his deceptively gentle smile and fierce abilities. He doesn't play his best which makes people furious. Jealous. Angry. Enraged. It makes Tezuka all these things and more.
And then to top it all off he smiles sincerely, peacefully, beautifully after he cries Tezuka's name out when he comes, every morning, while Tezuka watches and waits for him. He has no idea how Tezuka wants to hold him, to touch him, to love him.
Tezuka waits and starts to get impatient. The little touches, the smiles on those full soft sated lips after he comes, the lingering glances from azure eyes, they get to him. The bruises on Fuji's naked skin that Tezuka sees when they are in the shower together inflame him with a passion and a desire to protect him, to claim him, to love him. It is as if every part of him is there to drive Tezuka to him.
Just the smell of him is enough to arouse Tezuka. Once day some of his scent must somehow have gotten onto the collar of Tezuka's shirt. Not his cologne, Fuji's actual smell. Surely Fuji's doing. Tezuka went home burning with desire to see him, touch him, be with him. He threw the shirt in the laundry and himself into a cold shower desperate to be rid of the smell the urge, the hunger, the need. The shower did not help at all. He called Syusuke, wanting to confess his feelings, everything, not caring what he thought just needing him, and was informed he was out on a date. They never said with whom. Tezuka stayed up all night waiting for him to call him back. Fuji never did. When he saw him at school the next morning, after crying out Tezuka's name, Fuji casually asked why he had called.
"Nothing important." Tezuka assured him furious, burning with need, but appearing deceptively calm.
They played each other in tennis that afternoon practice. Tezuka went home feeling the hunger, the longing for him even stronger after seeing him move on the courts. He was even going to foolishly masturbate smelling Fuji's scent on his dirty shirt, anything to be closer to him, only to discover it had been washed. He could have cried with frustration.
And right then, at that moment, as if sensing it, Syusuke called him, and invited him over to watch a show. Tezuka finds himself ringing his doorbell, furious at the tensai for getting him to this state, and himself for allowing it. There is no one home but Fuji. Tezuka walks into the house and about one minute later he finds he is kissing a seemingly surprised Syusuke, panting his name, and stripping him, not even knowing where his room is. They somehow find Syusuke's room but it is not like any tryst Tezuka has ever had or wanted. There is no smiling, no laughing, no tender touches. He is angry and Fuji lets him be, encourages it, laughs at it. Fuji moans in pleasure only when Tezuka takes him roughly. Otherwise he makes no sound, there is no sense of him, otherwise he is a ghost, a memory, a phantom of himself. Unless he is being hurt, then he smiles, he laughs, he moans. Fuji takes Tezuka's anger, his frustration, and lets him make it Fuji's own.
Tezuka wants to get a reaction from Fuji and finds none other than Fuji tries to take control. Tezuka will not allow that because he knows if Fuji ever wins control, he will no longer be interested. He will see Tezuka as weak and conquered. Fuji does not feel worthy of love so anyone who loves him is lower still.
They wrestle for control and Fuji finally, allows Tezuka to win as he does when they play tennis. Tezuka wants to touch his sublime body, pleasure himself in finding what Fuji enjoys, wants to love him, but finds that when with Fuji, after taking control from him, Fuji pushes him away. He stops responding unless it hurts. All Tezuka can do to take Fuji hard from behind filled, with pent up need, wanting a release and only getting any reaction out of Fuji the rougher he is. He is not even able to bring Fuji to an orgasm or touch him. He finds he wants to hurt Fuji to extricate some response from him. Make Fuji open his smiling eyes and say yes or no or please, to say I want, I feel, I need, or something, anything. No matter how much Tezuka touches him, unless its painful, he never touches him.
Tezuka leaves, disheveled, a short time later, more hungry than before if that is possible. He is not sated in the least. He wants Fuji to come to him but he never does. Fuji just hints with gentle caresses and lingering looks until Tezuka bends and ends up at his door again before he breaks. When Tezuka waits too long to bend, Fuji starts meeting him again in the mornings for their showers. Syusuke chooses inappropriate moments to talk or doesn't talk at all. He flirts and teases until Tezuka comes to him. Then Fuji just lets himself be almost used and Tezuka walks home feeling he was used as well but is never sure for what.
Surely this isn't pleasing either of them so why continue this?
Tezuka swears each time is the last, he tries to hold out for long but never can. It is that urge to find the secret to him, the desire to love him enough to bring him back to himself, that pushes him, drives him, haunts him. He is in love with the ghost of Syusuke past and his potential. He is haunted every moment by the ghost of Syusuke now, a sad reminder of what once was and what might have been. If only...
If only Syusuke could love.
Instead he only fans the flames, feeling good when he elicits some hurt response from Tezuka, never understanding that if he only let him, Tezuka would respond, would love to respond in every way he ever imagined.
But Syusuke is afraid.
Tezuka tries to stop, he tries to avoid him, he tries. He even tries to arrive early to miss their morning shower scene and somehow, whenever he does, Fuji is already there.
Then Fuji starts looking elsewhere for love and affection which logically should make Tezuka feel better. At least Fuji is trying to end whatever this madness was. But Tezuka knows a huge part of this is just to make him jealous. And that it will work.
Fuji befriends Kikumaru Eiji of all people. He is chaotic. He is obstreperous. They seem close friends even though Tezuka wonders why. Aloud. To Fuji in frustration. And Fuji says, "He has a big heart and he cares about me."
As if that is what Fuji has wanted from Tezuka and he did not provide. He would have. Wants to. He longs to. But when he ends up alone with Fuji, by the time Fuji is done playing, all he feels is an odd mix of lust and rage and sorrow. So not like calm, centered him at any other time except with Fuji.
And yet he still is drawn to Syusuke. Hungry, needy, wanting and unable to be sated by touching a ghost.
He is jealous. He wants to see Fuji. Needs to. He calls and Fuji says he can't. Kikumaru is spending the night.
Tezuka does not sleep that night. He sees them at practice the next day and they seem as normal as ever.
Fuji invites Tezuka over that afternoon and lets him again have his way with him. Even though this is not his way or the way Tezuka wants to have him.
Tezuka even asks about Kikumaru. Fuji looks confused. "We're just friends. He is my friend."
Tezuka was well aware that they, he and Fuji, are not even that. It hurts him. It makes him ache. He notices bruises on Fuji's and presses them "accidentally" making Fuji make some noise as he takes him. Fuji comes by his own hand, smiling. Tezuka feels terrible, like an animal, and leaves soon after. In the shower the next morning Fuji presses the same bruises on himself and comes even harder, crying his name.
Tezuka waits a few weeks before needing to see Fuji again. He waits so long that it is a need again and Fuji says he can't. Its the second time he says no.
He is going on a date to the movies. With Oishi and Kikumaru and some girls.
Tezuka has been close friends with Oishi since their freshman year. Oishi is a strong, loyal friend. Tezuka was surprised when he found he and Kikumaru were becoming friends but everyone got along with Oishi. Kikumaru for his part is well liked also. Tezuka has issues he knows with him because of his ties to Fuji and he tries to let it go. He knows Oishi and Kikumaru were playing regularly and seemed to be becoming good friends despite their differences.
A date with some girls?
The next morning at practice Kikumaru is injured in an accident playing with Oishi. Fuji filled Tezuka in on his date, their dates from the night before. Tezuka hears the other guys dates had not gone well. Fuji said there was some tension between them it seemed but he had no idea what it was over.
Fuji said his date had gone fine when Tezuka asks. Tezuka also got a good look at the ridiculously made up girl, Eve, who could barely talk in complete sentences, now attending their school. She seemed enthralled with the tensai. How could she not be?
Kikumaru is hurt and Fuji is busy every night at Kikumaru's. The tensai warms up exclusively with Oishi and watches him constantly. Oishi for his part looks terrible all week, plays worse than Tezuka has ever seen him, and Tezuka waits knowing that eventually, someone will tell him what is going on. In the meantime, Tezuka just tries to get and stay in control of himself.
He considers joining Fuji for their morning shower. He fantasizes about it. He aches for it. But when he pictures it, Fuji always reaches for him. In person he never does.
Friday night, Syusuke calls him and invites him over. He makes him tea and they sit alone barely talking. Tezuka asks about Eve. Fuji avoids the questions. Fuji mentions that Oishi beat him. The prize was to see Kikumaru. Fuji describes them as best friends who had a falling out. But that all is better now.
Fuji then mentions that he is going dancing with Eve the next night. Tezuka is jealous as Fuji knew he would be.
Before he goes to leave, trying to stay strong enough to not touch Fuji, confused and jealous and frustrated, Fuji hugs him. For the first time ever he reaches for Tezuka. Then he ruins the moment and whispers sweetly into his ear, "Ask me not to see her. Ask me to stop. Beg me. Say please."
Tezuka says surprised, heartbroken, and furious, "And what?"
"And I will stop."
An unspoken never passes between them.
Tezuka sees Fuji the next morning, Saturday morning, in the shower. And at practice. He cannot stop looking at Fuji. Thinking about him. Wanting him.
Tezuka even arrived extra early not surprised to once again find Fuji waiting for him. As if he knew. They have their morning shower and Fuji is severely bruised on his back. Tezuka asks what happened and he does not reply. He presses the bruises against the wall as he comes hard, crying Tezuka's first name.
Fuji redresses to look like he just arrived with everyone else. Fuji undresses in front of Tezuka again. Slowly. Talking to others with his back to the wall so no one can see him bruised. He gives one long look to Tezuka before putting on his practice clothes, knowing Tezuka has watched him the entire time.
Tezuka, as usual, showers under cold water. Fuji for once, is blessedly not standing near him, and yet Tezuka misses him.
Eve meets the tensai after practice that morning and goes to kiss him. Fuji stops her mouth, but has her completely under his control, under his spell, and he makes certain Tezuka sees the entire thing.
Tezuka calls Fuji at 2 am, unable to find any peace, breaking. He says two words. "Stop. Please."
Fuji says, "Are you begging me?"
"Mn. I'll stop. Do you want to come over?"
"Ah. Goodnight, Kunimitsu." Fuji hangs up the phone.
Tezuka has an urge to run to Fuji's house right then and there to be certain he is alone. He goes to bed missing what he never has had, and tries to figure out where he went so very wrong.
He starts to get very, very angry. Tezuka is still coldly furious with Fuji on Monday morning. He refuses to watch. He leaves Fuji to his shower alone and goes far enough away that he cannot hear the tensai crying out his name. But he can feel his cries ripping at his heart even without hearing them.
He warms up with Fuji and tries to focus on something, anything, other than his touch, his scent, his smile, his eyes, his lips, or his voice, all carefully honed to tantalize Tezuka yet again, dancing just out of his reach.
Tezuka who has always been more spiritual than actually religious finds himself saying a fervent prayer for a miracle.
It breaks his heart yet again to admit it, but he can find no other way to break down Fuji's walls that continually separate them.
On to Chapter 17!!